The Monroe Legacy - G.4. Chapter 10 - Shame, Blame and Change

They passed the few hundred meters back to the house in an awkward silence that carried them up the path and through the door. Once they were in Lillia was amused to see that her suspicions had been correct and the interior was just as yellow as the exterior. Everything was yellow, walls, floors, cushions and appliances.

Catching her grin Noki offered an explanation,

'It was my great-aunt Tilda's house, she always loved yellow but as she got older she got a little obsessive over it. She was a sweet lady though, always had time for me as a small boy and she left me this place when she died. I haven't had the heart to change anything except the truly horrifying yellow kitten painting in my bedroom!'

Lillia nodded,

'At least it's cheerful!'

This time when Noki laughed there was something off and it sounded tight and brittle,

'Right now I need that more than you know.'

The small talk dried up and the awkwardness was back. Lillia was torn between starting on what she wanted to discuss and checking if Noki was okay, there had been something different about him since his transfer and it sounded like the house situation was linked to whatever it was.

She was disturbed in her dilemma by an offer of coffee which gave a moment for Lillia to organise her thoughts. Five minutes later they were seated across from each other, drinks steaming and out of excuses to delay. Opening her mouth to start Lillia was surprised when Noki began.

'I want to start by saying sorry for my behaviour last year. I was incredibly selfish, I was there for Rose who was great but you were fascinating in a way I didn't know a woman could be. So I flirted, even when you pushed me back I persisted and then I exploited your moment of weakness to get what I wanted. I realised afterwards that it was meaningless because even for those few minutes I didn't really have the you I wanted. I had the party girl but not the brain behind her, that sharp humour and gentle sparring we always shared. So I'm sorry. Both for the taking advantage and for the chasing, it wasn't fair to you and it was wrong.' 

For a moment Lillia was so stunned by his honesty that she didn't know what to say. He was offering her an apology and an explanation that let her off the hook. She could just walk away now and with his confession make Rose believe that she was barely at fault.

It was tempting. But it would be wrong

'I really appreciate hearing your side of things Noki', she paused to gather her thoughts, 'but I can't accept your apology'. He began to protest but Lillia forged onwards.

'It's not that I don't appreciate it... I really do. But I can't accept you taking all of the blame. It takes two to tango and every moment you acted badly I matched. I was drunk that night but I wasn't unconscious. I knew what I was doing, knew what I wanted was wrong, I chose to betray my friend as much as you did. We both did a bad thing and we both owe an apology. Maybe to each other eventually but first to Rose. That's why I wanted to talk to you.'

Noki grimaced, 'You think we should tell her?'

'I know we should tell her.' Now she had decided it was so clear to Lillia that she should have spoken up months ago. 'And soon, before somebody else does. It sounds to me like you've been thinking about it as much as I have, trying to make it right but we can't truly put it behind us until we have told the truth. '

Noki nodded. He didn't look happy but he didn't look surprised either. Lillia couldn't put her finger on it but there was something different about him lately, he didn't have the same arrogant swagger he used to, he could fake it when he had to but when he relaxed he was a little subdued. She hesitated, not wanting to damage the fragile trust they'd begun to build.

'Noki.... You don't have to answer if you don't want to but I have to ask. Did something happen to change things for you. You just seem... Different lately. Quieter....'

'You mean I seem less like an entitled ass?' His tone was light but his eyes told another story.

Lillia nodded.

'I can't really pull it off these days, people don't like an entitled ass so much when he doesn't have the funds to back it up.'

Lillia was puzzled, 'I don't understand what that means?'

Noki looked away, 'It means I was disinherited, I did the one thing my father couldn't forgive me and now all I have left is this', he gestured at the house, 'and a small allowance from my mother's private account. Just enough for bills and tuition. I'm not heir to Moon Petroleum anymore, my sister is.'

'I do-don't know what to say', Lillia struggled for the right response. 'I'm so sorry! Will he change his mind?'

Noki shook his head. 'No. As he put it "after all I have overlooked, all I gave you, you deny me the one thing I have ever asked of you". I've never seen him that angry.'

They sat in silence for a little while and Lillia twisted a loose thread on her sleeve around her finger as the moment stretched out into awkwardness but she didn't speak; it felt like there was more to be said. Noki broke first.

'I suppose you want to know what I did?'

Lillia kept her tone neutral, she did want to know but she didn't want to pry. 'Only if you want to tell me.'

He considered a moment. 'I do. But it's kind of embarrassing.'

 'Ever since I was small I have known that my father wanted me to marry the daughter of his biggest competitor. Stella Sinclair was the ideal match for me, it was a good business decision, a merger between our families would make our conglomerate the biggest in the country, our families moved in the same circles and she was pretty, compliant and wouldn't make any trouble. I didn't mind at first, she was good company, she thought I was wonderful and didn't ask questions about our time apart. I figured I'd do as my father did, sow my wild oats at college then return home, marry the girl and run the company.

It was working fine, I was young and with it stupidly content to be wealthy, handsome and free. Stella was back home waiting, she never needed to know about what I did and she probably would have forgiven me anyway just for the sake of the life she had planned with me. But then it all changed.

Rose was great fun, we had a blast together but I knew it was just a fling and I thought she did too, I was never subtle about my other extra-curricular activities when I was with her. We would have run our course and it would have been another notch in my bedpost as I inched towards my pre-arranged life.

Then I met you. Right from the beginning you had something that got under my skin, it was infuriating but it was exciting.

It took a while for me to realise what it was that made you different but I worked it out eventually. You were my equal. 

Equally self-interested, equally adored but equally intelligent. We both knew how to make things happen, how to get what we wanted and when we collided... Well neither of us got our way. Rose was one of the few people you would put ahead of yourself, so you didn't get what you wanted. Your resistance to whatever spark was between us meant that I wasn't going to get what I wanted either.

So we stalled. We circled each other, burying our interest under banter and bickering and I assumed the spark would burn out. It always had before. When it didn't I had no idea what to do, so I stayed as close as I could, using Rose as a decoy and waiting for something to change. It did that night when you let me kiss you.'

Lillia blushed at the memory.

'The next day I woke up expecting to feel satisfied at my victory but that was when I realised it wasn't what I wanted any more. I didn't want one kiss, not even one night. I wanted the intrigue of everyday with somebody who was my equal. So I ended things with Rose, with all of my playthings and I went home to see if Stella could be that person for me. 

She couldn't. 

That wasn't all that changed, with my new eyes everything at home looked different.

My father rules everything, including my mother. I had always justified this with the assumption he had done as I planned to and ended his other affairs at their wedding, becoming her devoted partner and provider.  He had not. He lived a high risk, high reward kind of life where nothing, not even his family, was sacred. I realised I didn't want that, I wanted a chance at a life that meant something.

When I told my father I couldn't marry Stella he gave me a choice. I could be the man he raised me to be and be the Moon heir with Stella at my side. Or I could fend for myself. 

I chose me.'

He gestured around the room, 'Hence the former player in the yellow house trying to figure out the world.'  

Even not  having known much about Noki from before, Lillia could tell that this was a huge change and probably more difficult for him than he was making out.

'Your dad made the wrong choice', was all she could think to say. 'God knows that I don't know much about making good choices but I do know that when you tried to make a right choice, he made a wrong one. I hope it all works out in the end.'

Noki gave her a small, sad smile. 'Me too. I'm glad you don't think me an idiot. It isn't easy but I think despite the hurt I'm happier already. I'd like for us to be friends Lillia'.

She stiffened slightly, apprehensive. 'Just friends?'

He nodded. 'For now I think we both need to figure out ourselves before we try anything else.'

Relieved she nodded and smiled and felt a new lightness when he grinned back.

'Shake on it?' Lillia stuck out her hand and was surprised but not unpleasantly when Noki pulled her i to a bear hug.

'Sorry,' he said gruffly, 'I just...um.. Needed a hug I guess.'

He didn't notice when Lillia stiffened in his arms and he couldn't see her face to know that it had turned white.

'When shall we speak to Rose?' he asked as he stepped away.

Choking back her panic Lillia just pointed to the stricken face outside the window.

'I think we might be too late.'

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Read on now! Chapter 11 - Paying the Price

The Monroe Legacy - G.3 Ch.16 - Mind, Matter and Maverick

There were times when Gray could look back at Eva's "absent" period and almost miss it. The quiet periods of her long sulks were gone and the chaos which replaced it was total. For the most part it was a joyful, well-intentioned madness but some days being Eva's dad was harder than being her keeper had been. And it never ended.

It took less than a week from Eva deciding to make the most of life in Lucky Palms to her first disaster. An ambitious and ill advised science fair product caught fire and smoked out the entire gymnasium. A coughing principal pulled Gray to one side and informed him that Eva had been expressedly forbidden from attending with what she referred to as her "madcap death-trap" and her disobedience carried the cost of suspension.

Eva took it in stride, filling out her assigned work at home and spoiling Lillia rotten, the two were becoming inseparable. Lillia would follow Eva wherever she went and had even been found trying to colour in her hair with a pink crayon. Casper was more circumspect, wary of the noise that seemed to accompany his big sister's presence.

Gray worried a little at the noticeable difference between his daughters and his son. While Lillia was bubbly and chatty, always in trouble and laughing with her sister, Casper was quiet and kept mainly to himself. Rachel told him not to worry, that every child was different, but Gray couldn't shake his uneasiness.

For all his quietness, Casper was an exceptionally bright child. He scored in the top five percent in his childhood development tests, mastered the peg box in no time and could even read all of the toddler books by himself by the time he was three and a half. For a while he didn't talk. Gray and Rachel knew that he could talk, because they had heard him chattering away to his favourite toy, a puppet doll that someone had sent for the christening.

Through the door they could hear Casper trying out words and phrases, leaving pauses for the doll to "respond". As soon as they went in he would quieten down, rocking the doll and humming wordlessly. Even Rachel admitted she found it weird but before they had a chance to become to concerned Casper started speaking to them. In full sentences. It seemed that he was perfecting his speech before he would use it.

Those baby years slipped by and too soon it was time for Lillia to start school. Rachel had taken her out shopping for an outfit to wear on her first day and was amused to discover that her daughter wanted nothing more than to copy her half-sister. Everything she picked out was black or bright pink and had bones or cats on it. Although Rachel was pleased that they were close,especially as Eva seemed to be doing so well, her GPA now a B and the latest unsavoury boyfriend dumped, she didn't really want Lillia starting school as a mini goth! Eventually they compromised on a funky tartan skirt like the one Eva wore to parties and a navy blue jumper.

Rachel couldn't help her eyes filling with tears as she saw her baby girl all grown up for the first time. For so long she'd wondered whether she would get over her past, whether she would find a man who could love her, insecurities and all and whether or not she would be blessed with a second chance at motherhood. She'd never dared to dream of this, a beautiful house, an adoring husband and two, no three, children who she would do anything for. Smiling at Gray as the cake candles smoked, Rachel couldn't believe how lucky she was and judging by the look in her husband's eyes as he surveyed the scene, neither could he.

As Lillia started school and Eva began her senior year Gray and Rachel had to face some hard decisions. A recent economic downturn hadn't been kind to their restaurant, they weren't bankrupt yet but they needed to make some cuts. The easiest way to save money was for Rachel to come back to work and to let go the two chefs that worked in her place. Casper was the only thing holding them back, he was so withdrawn already.

Eva provided a solution, she finished school at 2pm daily so if Gray could handle lunch, Rachel could hand over the childcare to Eva and then do the busy evening shift. Eva's willingness to help warmed Gray's heart. How different she was from the angry teen who had come back to Mexico with him, she'd even started asking questions about college. She still had mood swings and a habit of landing in trouble, pranks were her specialty, but it seemed that Eva had found her place in Lucky Palms.

At first the scheme went without a hitch. The restaurant slowly turned around as word got out that Rachel was back in the kitchen and Eva tried her best to bring Casper out of his shell. The little boy was having none of it. The second her back was turned or she had to use the bathroom he would abandon whatever activity she'd been trying to engage him with and head off on his own. One time Eva found him moving pieces around on the chessboard. She didn't know the rules so she couldn't tell that somehow he knew the patterns that the knight he was holding was allowed to move by.

Another day she completely freaked out as she had lost him downstairs and the front door had swung open. After a frantic search of the pools and fountains she was about to call her dad when a crash from upstairs sent her running. Casper had managed to open the stair-gate, climb the stairs and get into the spare room where he had pulled a massive encyclopedia off the shelf and was busy turning the pages, it seemed he was looking for something.

Eva was a a little spooked by her brother's intelligence and also by his obsession with his doll which he had named Tia. If Casper had to choose between a real person and Tia, he always chose Tia. Eva wondered if she should tell her parents but they were always so tired that she didn't want to worry them.

Soon Eva too was distracted, finals were getting closer and she desperately wanted to try and get into the state college, though if you asked her she wasn't that bothered. Eva's past really showed at moments like this, when there was a possibility of failure she would tend to give up rather than risk the pain of failure or the fear of people judging her. Gray tried to help her past it but it was the type of thing that only time and confidence would fix.

College wasn't beyond the realms of possibility but Gray knew Eva would need all the help she would get and hired  local golden boy Hayden Steel to help her study. Varsity swim team captain, Yale freshman and Rhodes scholar candidate, Hayden came from one of the best families in town.

When family illness forced him to return home and finish out his freshman year as distance study, Hayden decided to make up for what he was missing by volunteering and working for extra credit, hoping this would give him the edge for the Rhodes scholarship. From their very first session Eva could see how much he wanted to win and to study in England for a year, though she couldn't understand his motivation. Sometimes it seemed he craved the academic distinction but more often it seemed he wanted to get away from his family.

Whatever his motivation, him and Eva got along well and her grades continued to creep towards where they would need to be.

With her sister busy, Lillia had found herself a new hobby. Well new hobbies anyway. The little girl had stormed out of her first ballet class when the teacher had fold her she couldn't wear her skull and crossbones barrette and gone and joined in with the boys soccer practice.

Now she was obsessed with anything sport related. She loved soccer, scoring the most goals in the school girls vs. boys tournament, she ran track, competing in the state competition and narrowly missing the podium. She made the swim team in no time and was soon recognised as a future star in that sport. She was naturally the right shape to swim, incredibly fast and most noticeably a hard worker for her age.

Gray would often come downstairs early on a weekend morning to feed Casper and find Lillia swimming lengths in the pool. Eva had to force her to sit down and finish her homework every night, bribing her with the promise of playing penalty shoot out once the homework was done. Lillia wished that she could just do sports all the time. School was a struggle for her, even working her hardest she barely scraped a B average, but in the pool or on the field there was nobody was she couldn't compete with.

With Lillia in sports clubs so much of the time and Casper refusing to engage with her beyond taking a bottle and dinner time, Eva was glad of Hayden's company. He was so completely different from her friends at school, focused on his future and not afraid of taking chances. As the weeks rolled by they became friends, laughing together when Eva made a stupid mistake and talking about what they would do in the future if everything went to plan.

Hayden encouraged Eva to look further than state college and an easy major and Eva began to wonder if he was right. When he talked about how well she was doing and how fast she understood things she almost believed him. Eva like who Hayden saw her as and even though he was not her type, clean shaven without a tattoo to be seen, she started to wonder if he could ever see her as more than a friend.

Looking on but in his exhaustion only seeing the shiny, positive progress, Gray was thrilled with how far each of his children had come. In the short period he and Rachel had together before they both passed out exhausted they would discuss the changes they saw; Eva's academic improvement, Lillia's sporting success and Casper's intelligence.

What they didn't see was Eva's lack of confidence, Lillia's academic struggle and Casper's inability or refusal to connect with people. Even as their talents flourished in the light of day, so too did their weaknesses take root and begin to alter the courses of their lives.

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Read on with Chapter 17 - Blind Spots

The Monroe Legacy - G.3. Chapter 15 - Hard Choices

Eva's first year in Lucky Palms was something of a battlefield. At first she just ignored everything and everybody. She spent her days calling Milo back in Mexico or working secretively on the computer, at night she would vanish, returning in the small hours with no explanation. 

She barely spoke to Gray and treated Rachel as if she weren't there. Gray tried to strike a balance with his daughter, flexibility and space to let her adjust and discipline to curb her more destructive tendencies.

Eva made a mockery of every nice gesture, especially those which came from her stepmother who tried desperately to connect with the wayward teen. Rachel had arranged for the guest room to be redecorated for Eva, Eva had turned her nose up at the decor, only grudgingly accepting Rachel's slightly strained offer that they redo it together, before shutting her stepmother out again.

Rachel never told Gray that she struggled with Eva, greeting him when he returned from work with smiles, dinner and armfuls of giggling babies but he could tell that all was not well by the tension at the rare dinners they dragged Eva down for. Eva's grades were terrible, she wouldn't socialise  with her cousins or most of the kids at school, spending her days smoking behind the gym with the rebel kids in the years above her. Things went from bad to worse when Rachel confronted Eva having found her in the hot tub with a senior year boy.

'Your father spent almost a decade fighting for you! Looking for you! Praying for your safety and that you would come back to him! I watched it almost destroy him. I saw the look on his face when he thought you were dead. Hate me all you want but don't repay him by throwing your life away!'

A slightly staggered Eva took Rachel at her word and went from largely ignoring her stepmother to actively tormenting her. When Gray found Rachel rocking baby Casper to sleep with traces of blue dye still in her hair he decided enough was enough.

He had tried kindness, he had tried firmness and he had had enough. When Rachel was out with Lillia at Saffron's, Gray sat Eva down and laid it out.

'Eva. Do you want to go back to Mexico?'

Her eyes widened slightly before she could smooth over her features.

'I knew you didn't really want me!' She retorted, 'You only brought me here because you had to!'

Gray's response was quiet but no less vehement than a shout would have been.

'Don't you dare say that again. Losing you all those years ago destroyed me, Rachel finally gave me a reason to start living again but for six years all I thought of was you. Finding you was one of the happiest days of my life and I would do anything, ANYTHING, to make you happy.

But you seem miserable here, and you make the lives of other people I love miserable with your behaviour. I can't let that happen anymore. So I'm asking you to choose.

Do you want to go back to Mexico? I would hate to lose you again, but I would hate even more to have all of our lives, yours included, ruined by my selfish need to have you near me.'

As Gray spoke tears began to trickle down Eva's cheeks, her shoulders heaving with all the tears she hadn't shed when she'd found her mother and sister, the ones she'd kept back every time she'd looked at herself and seen all the flaws that separated her from her father's perfect family.

As much as he wanted to rush and comfort her, Gray was done pushing Eva. Finally she pulled herself together enough to mumble her response.

'I want to stay.'

From that day things got a little easier, it wasn't a fast process but it was progress.

Eva's grades went from a D to a C, she wore a little less eyeliner and spent a little less time in her room. Gray might have missed a lot of firsts, her first day at school and first loose tooth, but he began to appreciate some new firsts, small signs that things might get better.

He smiled the first time Eva willingly joined them for a movie, laughing with them, a noise Gray had barely heard before that night. His heart swelled the day he caught her cuddling Lillia, crooning a little song to her in Spanish. He tried to be nonchalant the day he discovered Eva chopping vegetables for dinner and passing them to a slightly shell- shocked looking Rachel.

When Eva didn't arrive for Casper's first birthday, Gray's heart sank. They'd made so much progress, Lillia adored her big sister, Rachel was happy and comfortable again and Gray had begun to see flashes of the little girl he'd known under the black haired persona of his teenage daughter. Her absence without explanation on a day like today, not only a birthday but the anniversary of their reunion, weighed heavy on his heart.

Eventually they could wait no longer and Rachel lit the candles on the cake. Just as she put out the match the front door flew open and a teenaged whirlwind blew in. Eva's face was completely innocent, only a tiny smirk giving away her pleasure at her dad's surprise.

Gone was the black, her hair restored to its natural blonde, the pink streaks running through it a nod to her old look.

Quickly explaining that the salon had been running late Eva began singing happy birthday, jolting Rachel and Gray into action. As Casper blew out his candles Gray sent up a little prayer. Today was a day of transformation, his son was growing up strong and healthy, his little daughter was confident and sweet-natured and his eldest daughter had finally started to come back to him.

After the presents were opened and the cake cut, Eva offered to put Lillia to bed while adults sorted Casper and tidied up. After putting on the dishwasher Gray crept upstairs and watched from the hall as Eva read her baby sister to sleep, softly petting Lillia's hair as she nodded off.

As Eva crept out of the room, Gray couldn't help pulling her to him for a hug. She tensed but then relaxed, the bottom of his chin just hitting the top of her head. He could believe she was letting him hold her.

 Pulling away with a slightly shy smile Eva said,

'Gee, You really are a soppy mess sometimes.'

Gray cleared his throat and tried to retain his composure.

'Ah... Yep. I guess so. I just always get emotional on birthdays. I like the hair by the way.'

Eva gave another of her knowing grins,

'I knew you didn't like the black. You didn't have to say so. I just decided it was time to try out being Eva Monroe properly and send Maia Garcia back to Mexico where she belongs.

Anyway, I'm gonna go Skype Milo. G'night dad.'

As Eva scampered to her room, letting the door bang shut Gray felt Rachel's arms encircle him from behind. She had heard the whole thing.

'She called you dad' she whispered.

Gray didn't have to say anything, Rachel could feel his chest shaking with gentle sobs.

It was all going to be alright.

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Read Chapter 16 - Mind, Matter and Maverick