The Monroe Legacy - G.4. Chapter 11 - Paying the Price

Authors Note - I'm so sorry for the long hiatus. I kind of fell out of love with this story because it just wasn't flowing, the save was laggy and RL got crazy. Then inspiration hit, I moved them to a new neighbourhood and life calmed down. I have a few chapters ready to go and I will henceforth be aiming to publish a chapter a week. Probably Monday or Tuesday.

Thanks for bearing with me :)

Rose XX

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'Rose! Wait!'

Lillia threw open the door and shouted at her cousin's retreating figure but Rose showed no sign of slowing.

'Please Rose!' Perhaps it was the pleading tone of her voice, perhaps Rose just wanted to confront them but this time she did stop, turning slowly to reveal tear streaked cheeks and blazing eyes.

'Fine' she spat. 'You have two minutes,' and with that she stalked back up the drive and through the door.

Noki stepped forward, his posture displaying his discomfort and voice laced with concern.

'Rose, it isn't what it looks like..'

'No! I'm not here to listen to you Anoki. I'm here for one reason and one reason only. So that Lillia can tell me the truth.'. In the face of Rose's fury Noki shrank back and Lillia, trying to compose herself stepped forwards.

'There's nothing going on between us Rose, I didn't even mean to come here but there was some stuff we needed to talk through. Stuff involving you.'

Rose's shoulder slumped.

'I knew it.' The rage was gone from her voice and sadness had taken it's place. 'Ever since Daisy told me last year that the two of you were getting it on I've watched for anything to make me believe her. I could ignore the little glances and you constantly trying to avoid talking about him. I almost had myself convinced that it was all just another one of Daisy's schemes. But she was right. Something did happen.'

Lillia nodded slowly, 'I kept trying to find a way to tell you. It was the end of year party and it was a huge mistake.'

Rose shook her head, 'No the huge mistake was me assuming that because we were related you would treat me any differently than those other innocent girls who got between you and something you wanted. The mistake was me believing that there was some of the Lillia I knew before the accident under that cold plastic exterior.'

Lillia couldn't find anything to rebut that. It stung but it was the truth after all, just as she'd feared that last loose thread of dishonesty had unravelled all the hard work she'd done to change into a person she wanted to be. Lillia was defeated but still Noki tried to defend her,

'It was just once and Lil was really drunk. Rose you have to believe us.'

'I don't have to believe anything you two say.' There was no understanding in those words, no hope of reconciliation. 'Once was one time to many. I hope you're happy Lillia, you just made an enemy of the last person on campus who was really on your side. You deserve him.'

And with that she turned and left.

Lillia and Noki stood side by side staring at the space she had left. Ten minutes ago they had seen a new friendship stretching before them and promised to help each other be better people. They had hoped for a resolution. How stupid it all seemed now.

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The awful thing about life in the sorority, thought Lillia, was that nothing had really changed. Before she had drifted past the low whispers and sideways looks assuming they were nothing to do with her. But Rose had stripped her of that illusion and now the dining hall was a minefield of hurtful words. Selfish, slut, traitor, fake, bitch. That was their favourite. She pretended not to hear it, that words didn't matter but seeing in Rose's face that her own cousin believed those things of her was heartbreaking.

Some days she would muster up the courage to confront them, drawing herself up and catapulting herself to heart of the noise, usually around Daisy, intending to demand they say those things to her face. But the second she was seated the smiles would snap into place and they'd chatter mindlessly about celebrities and fashion until she could bear the two-facedness no longer.

Worse still was the return home to Lucky Palms where the fair-weather friends of the party scene flocked to Rose's side and a frosty divide had set in between two branches of the Monroe family. Where once Gray, Jet and the other siblings had eaten en masse at the bistro at least weekly there was now nothing. The ranch was off limits because of Lillia and though Gray had assured her it would blow over, his tone suggested he wasn't impressed by her actions.

Rachel's reaction was worse yet. While Gray had largely avoided the topic except to confirm that what they had heard second hand (a full-blown affair spanning months) was not true, Lillia's mother had been unable to hide her disappointment. The morning after Lillia returned for spring break she found her mom with a serious expression and two cups of coffee waiting in an otherwise deserted house.

'Mom... I didn't mean to-',

'Stop there Lillia. You didn't mean to hurt your cousin. It was a mistake. We've all heard it a hundred times. And honestly I believe that you didn't mean to do it. The problem is that I think you don't mean to do a lot of the things you do, I blame myself and your father for part of that, I was always so proud to have a "popular" daughter that I assumed that the person I knew was the same one the rest of the world saw, even if the evidence didn't exactly support my view .'

Lillia hung her head and Rachel's tone softened slightly.

'Lillia honey, I know you didn't have an easy run of it, Eva's disappearance, the accident, your dad and I being so busy. You were always such a sweet child that we just let you do as you wanted, I never told you no or raised my concerns at first because they seemed silly and then because I didn't want to push you away or upset you. You were this beautiful and completely confusing teenager and I wanted to keep you close. It seemed to get worse when you went to University and I wondered if I should say something then but just when I got up the nerve you seemed to go back to being more like that little girl I used to know.'

'I've been trying mommy,' Lillia could barely hold back the tears, she could cope with everyone else hating her but knowing that her own mother had looked at her and seen a stranger was too much.

'I know baby.' Rachel's composure began to crumble too and she came to comfort her daughter. 'You're my daughter which means I notice that stuff. And you get as many do-overs as you need when it comes to me. I'll love you even if you decide to join the circus or move to Mongolia and become a monk. Which is why I had to talk to you now, before you get any further down whatever path you choose.

In this house you always have the chance to wipe the slate clean but that won't happen elsewhere. Most people won't give you the chance to figure it out and once you lose them it's over. Even that isn't always the end of the world, losing people is part of life, we leave the people we don't fit in with behind as we figure out who we are.

What you have to decide is who you want to be, not in terms of your job or your future prospects but in terms of what's in your heart, the things which truly matter to you. And then surround yourself with people who make you into that person, don't torment yourself over all the others who fall by the wayside. Figure out which people are worth fighting to have in your life and do whatever you can to hold on to them.'

'And if it's too late? If they already gave up on you?' Lillia's voice was unsteady.

Rachel smiled, 'Then you have to believe it isn't over.'

Lillia managed a watery smile in return. 'Okay.'

After gathering up the mugs and stacking the dishwasher Rachel looked over at where Lillia was still lost in thought.

'Hey Lil?'

'Hmmmmm?' was all she got back.

'How about my trendy daughter takes her old mom to the mall for a little girl time?'

Lillia finally focused back on the situation at hand, a mother daughter bonding day might be just what the doctor had ordered.

'Fine, but only if you promise never to use the word trendy ever again!' she laughed.

Read Chapter Gen 4 Chapter 12 - Now, Where Was I?

The Monroe Legacy - Generation 3 Finale - Last Orders

As Lillia's  16th birthday approached, Gray wondered if maybe he had announced his decision too soon and put too much pressure on his young daughter. It had been almost a five years since he had chosen, aware that for Eva, adult life had already begun and wanting to grant her the freedom she deserved but rather than giving Lillia purpose, the legacy seemed to weigh heavily on her mind. He'd seen her sit staring at the increasingly battered legacy journal for hours, a strange look on her face and he wondered if Lillia might be having second thoughts, though she always denied it when asked.

Gray had thought that his decision would give her confidence in her teenage years, should she ever want to stand apart from her friends. Maybe it had, but Lillia had never wavered in her social allegiances, she was as close to Daisy and Rose as she had ever been and the three of them ruled the school. Gray and Rachel had kept their eyes peeled for any sign that the Flowers were more mean girls than dream girls but so far they just seemed like the average popular kids, they had their moments, but so did most kids.

Flynn was certainly king of such moments. The fit he threw his first day at nursery would, Eva said, never be outdone as the most simultaneously hilarious and traumatic experience of her life. It was said that the screaming could be heard a block away.

For all his tantrums, Flynn was a good kid and Eva had done a wonderful job so far, he was definitely a momma's boy but she was firm with him and Gray was so proud of his daughter. He was ecstatic that she would soon be home for good, having just completed her final year at Brown and she had graduated magna cum laude, in front of her thrilled family and a beaming Hayden.

Eva had finally given Hayden the answer he wanted the day she had recieved her acceptance letter for Brown, they married a few months later at home with just family as witnesses and spent a Honeymoon weekend flat hunting around the Brown campus.

The day they moved away Gray had been a mess, he'd planned out a sort of speech and a big farewell, something about how proud he was and that the sadness of her leaving would be made sweeter by the knowledge that she was chasing her dream. But when the moment came that all flew out of the window and they just sobbed and hugged and cried. 

Now they were coming back, Hayden had busted his ass working whilst Eva had been at college and they had enough for the deposit on a tiny house on a new development. With Flynn about to start school, Eva was due to start working at the local science facility and Hayden's hard work had guaranteed him a transfer to his company's office in town. Gray was thrilled, it would be wonderful to have them close and to get to know his grandson properly now he was a big boy, holiday visits just weren't enough.

Lillia was excited to see Eva too, especially now she knew her sister wouldn't want her room back! Casper was warier, not about Eva and certainly not to see Hayden, he'd missed his chess nemesis, but to be around Flynn, who he mainly remembered as a screaming and disruptive baby.

It wasn't the baby's fault, Casper knew that, but if his nephew was still very loud it was bad timing, Casper had been accepted into an elite summer science programme at MIT and he had a lot of studying to do if he was going to blow them away. In the years since they'd moved away Casper had grown from a studious little boy into a studious young man, his academics beyond reproach, he even participated in the odd group study, though most social gatherings still sent him running to his chemistry set and Tia.

Fortunately the reunion went well, Rachel cried a little, Gray grinned constantly and Flynn rather overawed by all the people who turned up - half the extended family were there to welcome Eva home - was very well behaved and quiet. Casper have Eva a quick hug before making a chess plan with Hayden and then retreated to his room. His family were nice he supposed but there were ever such a lot of them! 

A few weeks later Lillia found herself the sole inhabitant of the Monroe residence. Her parents having flown across to Yale to get Casper settled, the house was strangely still. At first That was exciting, Lillia thought to herself that this was how it would be once she was in charge of the house.  Then it was too quiet, the silence expectant and oppressive and she did what she always did when she was unsure, she called in her friends. Fortunately it was too late for Rose and Daisy to organised a  party so they settled for raiding the wine rack and getting rather tipsy whilst watching movies.

After a while the conversation turned to boys, as it always did, Rose giggling over a new senior who had transferred and Daisy swooning over Rose's brother Axel, much to her disgust. As usual , Lillia was the quiet one, it wasn't that she wasn't interested, she just hadn't really seen anyone of her type in a while. Usually her friends just let it go, but the wine spurred them on.

'C'mon Lil! There must be somebody you like.' Rose whinged, 'All the guys in our year are panting after the "mysterious" Lillia Monroe, but you're always single!'

Daisy looked sideways at her, a slightly unpleasant smile crossing her face. Lillia stiffened, she knew that look.

'I know who Lil likes'  she snickered. Rose whipped round, eyes wide.

'No! Who?!' She was shocked.

So was Lillia, 'Oh really?!' She teased, 'who is my prince charming! waiting in the wings then? I'd love to meet him!'

'Jeremy Gilbert, your geeky lab partner. I've seen you get all hot and bothered taking to him.'

Lillia flushed red, 'I do not have a thing for Jeremy. We're just friends.' She insisted.

Rose shrugged, 'But you have enough friends. Better friends. You don't need losers hanging around you.'

Lillia tried to stay calm, 'Which is why Jeremy is my lab partner and not at this sleepover. You guys know I need a good partner to pass that class.'

The ping of the microwave diffused the tension in the room and Lillia went to get the popcorn. She took the trash outside to cool off and once she was alone she took a deep calming breath. What had just happened was exactly why she would never tell anyone, anyone at all, about her crush on Jeremy Gilbert.

When Gray and Rachel returned, tired and having left Casper halfway across the country to take care of himself, a challenge they believed he was ready for but that scared them nonetheless, it felt as if an era was drawing to an end.

Gray felt older somehow, as if he had had just enough energy to keep him going for as long as he was needed desperately. He'd long ago lost count of the grey-white hairs on his head and had been amused by the saga of Rachel's attempts to find an anti-wrinkle cream that worked. Age had crept up on them quietly, kept away only by the tireless energy that they'd expended to try and keep everything together.

Now Eva was off with a family of her own, a home, a son and a husband, not to mention a degree and a career. Gray couldn't even see the angry teenager he'd once known in her any more, the glowing young woman she'd become was a testament only to her own strength of character and the chance to start again.

Lillia was almost grown, she seemed happy and confident, she had her sports and her friends and her academic were good enough not to hold her back. Gray only wished he had taken more time to treasure her childhood years, caught between her siblings she'd grown up too fast and that was something he'd never be able to take back.

And Casper, for all the nights of sleep that Gray and Rachel had lost over him, he was doing so well. It seemed like he too barely needed them. His schooling was so advanced that they could barely follow it, he functioned with hardly a thing to distinguish him from his siblings. The only time when the Aspergers really affected things was when he was surprised by or under-prepared for a social situation. Gone were the days where his temper flared at the slightest misunderstanding, he was learning to cope with the world and with the people in it and that was his parents dearest wish for him.

Gray hoped that maybe one day Casper would find what he had with Rachel with another person, that his son would want that for himself, but for now it was more than enough to see his son becoming independent, even if that meant he didn't need Gray so much.

Yes, it was the end of an era.

Looking across to where Rachel sat engrossed in a recipe book muttering ingredients to herself! Gray smiled. It was twenty years since they'd first sat together like this, their dreams very different from what they were now. Those two decades felt like a whirlwind, a constant fight to do what was best for their family and Gray couldn't imagine a better partner to have seen him through it than Rachel had been.

Perhaps now was their chance to go back after those dreams they'd shared that had fallen by the wayside, the dreams which had been hung up and used to pad their children's way in the world. Their hair might be greyer and their joints a little stiffer but there was time yet, this time was theirs. It was time to let Lillia chronicle their history and make her own successes and mistakes, time for Gray to step back and support his children rather than pushing them along.

Crossing the room Gray joined Rachel on the sofa, tapping the page of her book until he had her attention.

'Rachel, I think it's time to have another try at opening up that restaurant we always dreamed of.'      

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Generation Four has now begun. Read Chapter 1 - Holding Court now!

The Monroe Legacy - G.3. Chapter 19 - Losing Sleep

Gray had started to have a recurring nightmare which jolted him awake in a cold sweat most nights. He would be in a stormy sea and his three children were each in a separate lifeboat, the lifeboats were filling with water and Gray was rushing  between them, trying to help them bail them out.

The second he got Eva's boat half empty, Casper's would be half full, Casper would be able to breathe again but Lillia would be struggling to stay afloat. It was awful. Though Gray wouldn't tell her what the dream was about, Rachel would hold him as he calmed down, stroking his back until the panic subsided but the dream wouldn't go away. There was no point getting it analysed for hundred of dollars because Gray knew exactly what the dream meant.

Each of his children needed him badly, but he could never seem to get to them all at the right time to make things right. The past few months had been crazy, a rollercoaster or good, bad and unexpected and for the first time Gray was feeling like he was aging. He was coming up for 45 but he felt so much older, as if the fatigue of all the years of searching for Eva, of rebuilding his life and of coping with life's twists and turns had fallen on his shoulders at once.

After the dream he often sat and thought about his grandmother's legacy, his responsibility to pick an heir. At the moment it seemed an impossible choice, he felt he would soon be ready to pass the legacy on but he didn't know if any of his children would be willing or able to take it on.

It seemed that the news that he was to become a grandfather had made him feel like one.... he still couldn't believe it was true.

A nervous looking Eva had cornered him  with a shell-shocked Rachel at her side. After stumbling for a while over her words she looked him in the eyes and said with all the confidence she could muster.

'Daddy, I'm pregnant. It's Hayden's and I'm keeping it.'

Gray's mind skidded to a halt as he struggled to process, looking to Rachel for confirmation which was given with a tiny nod. Eva continued, a strange serenity coming over her now the initial confession was out of the way.

'I know this wasn't the plan I'd made for my life but I can't change it now. I know what it's like to grow up feeling like you weren't wanted and I wont do that to my baby. For now that means my focus is on being a good mother. I'm excited, scared too, but college can wait, this is what I want now.'

Even as Gray struggled with the urge to hit something, preferably Hayden, he could see that Eva was at peace with her decision and so he did the only thing he could manage at that moment and hugged his daughter tightly.

In the gesture he tried to put all the positivity he could find and all those significant things that it would take them months to express. Gray knew without asking that Rachel would support Eva's decision, that his daughter was going to need them both especially when Hayden failed to respond to Eva's calls.

Eva had managed to reach him once and told him the news, he'd been quiet and when he did respond his voice sounded... off somehow. He promised to call back once he'd processed and told her not to worry. That was the last she had heard, emails bounced back, his phone was permanently off and a call to Cambridge University told them only that he had moved and not provided a new address or number. A trip to his parents house on the outskirts of town showed it shut up - local gossip said they were house hunting abroad.

After a few days of tears, Eva steeled herself, pasted on a smile and announced that if Hayden didn't want to be involved then she wouldn't try to force the issue. 

Gray's threat to go to England and drag him back was firmly refused, as Eva's belly grew so too did her determination to surround this new life with positivity and love. She proudly displayed her bump, glowing with happiness and  ignoring the nasty looks of judgemental neighbours. As much as Gray wished things had happened differently he couldn't deny that this unexpected challenge had helped his daughter overcome her past like nothing else they'd tried, Eva was a new person.

Although Eva's pregnancy was going well she did now rely more heavily on Rachel and Gray. She was determined to finish her summer school work so that she'd have the grades when she wanted to go back and go to college. Rachel was helping her study, taking her to Lamaze classes, refitting the nursery and working full time.  This left Gray to make sure Casper had all the support he needed, driving him to sessions, enforcing his rules at home and researching Asperger, even now they were only beginning to understand the challenges Casper would face.

On the positive side Casper did not have any learning problems, with his diagnosis had come an attitude adjustment from the school which was now working with the Monroe's to find better ways to teach him. Gray was daily grateful for this, he knew from parenting forums for kid on the autism spectrum that many school's weren't prepared to adapt, some going so far as to suggest that the autistic child might be better off in a specialist school.

Gray and Rachel were fast learning that the best thing they could do for Casper was to treat him normally but implement structures to help him handle those things he struggled with, primarily social interactions. When things were going well in school, his mood would high and he would be able to talk fairly animatedly about the things he was learning, the only indicators that anything was different from any other child being his refusal to make eye contact and a nervous fiddling with his hands.

It was when things went wrong that it was difficult. Any unexpected change to his timetable, any failure to understand his lessons or an uncomfortable or unusual situation would be met with either total withdrawal from the situation or a tantrum. In a sense the tantrums were easier to handle, Gray, Rachel and Eva all learned how to calm him, their behavioural therapist taught them breathing exercises and chains of events to normalise these situations. As stressful and upsetting as this could be these tantrums over fairly quickly and not altogether dissimilar from the tantrums of any other six year old.

The withdrawals were harder and tended to be the things that attracted unkind attention from the other kids. When Casper became uncomfortable or disinterested with a social situation he would often just turn away from the others involved and start softly conversing with Tia. This behaviour could last all day and to an onlooker looked like a small boy ignoring reality and interacting instead with thin air. 

Casper's belief in Tia was still so strong that it was very hard to reason him out of these moods, it was easier just to wait for him to re-engage with reality, any confrontation tended to worsen the situation and cause unnecessary stress.

It was a slow process but their doctor was pleased  with Casper's progress and with the family's adaptation to the diagnosis. Whilst it all looked good on paper and against the possible worst case scenarios it was still so new that to Gray and Rachel every set-back felt as if they'd failed. Even the small triumphs came a price, Lillia was more than ever being left to fend for herself.

Gray often talked to Rachel about how fortunate it was that Lillia had such a good group of friends to rely on. The Flowers and their families had really stepped up to help the Monroes after Casper's diagnosis. Lillia was always welcome for dinner and to stay at both Rose and Daisy's house, Jet drove her to swim practice every Saturday and Daisy's family were taking her to holiday camp with their kids for the summer.

She seemed happy enough, she always had a smile on her face, her GPA was a solid B and she always had a friend at her side. Lillia seemed excited by Eva's pregnancy, always wanting to feel her little nephew or niece kicking and keeping a chart of how long was left until the due date. On ,the surface she seemed to be a contented little girl and if it wasn't for tiny flashes of something less healthy, Gray wouldn't have been too worried about his middle daughter.

The first flashpoint he would afterwards recall was Lillia's decision to give up soccer and take up cheer. Logistically it made sense, she could carpool with Rose and Jet would give them dinner and take them to practice which clashed with Casper's sessions at the behaviourist. It struck Gray as odd that Lillia would drop out mid season, she went from shooting goals every night outside to ignoring it completely, from being full of stories from the pitch to not mentioning those friends at all.

Her motivation was revealed by accident on a rare night where the Flowers were playing at the Monroe house. The three girls were playing video games and didn't hear Gray come in behind them.

'Aren't you glad you don't have to hand out with those tomboy weirdoes at soccer anymore?' asked Daisy.

'I guess so...' was Lillia's less than convincing reply.

'You look so much prettier in a cheer uniform' was Rose's .contribution.

'And you won't get those ugly footballer thighs' finished Daisy. She and Rose burst out laughing, Lillia giggled a little awkwardly and Gray could see her shoulders stiffen in discomfort.

Having overheard this when she asked the next month to drop out of swimming and take up ballet Gray said no. He might not be able to spend as much time with his daughter as she deserved but he would do his best to protect her. His intentions rather backfired as Lillia continued swimming but acquired a "teenager attitude" to it and to him. Gray often overheard her moaning to Daisy about her parents making her do things she hated but as long as her coach kept feeding back that she was happy and positive when she was actually at practice and away from her friends, he was determined to stand firm.

With even his most easy-going child dealing with the challenges of growing-up it was really no wonder that Gray couldn't sleep. Each of his children desperately needed his love and support and between work and life's curveballs he felt like he was barely doing the minimum for each of them.

The night that Flynn Jefferson Monroe arrived and he saw that incomparable love that a parent has for their child in his daughter's eyes he swore he would find a way to better protect and provide for his family, whatever else life threw at them.

He'd begin by figuring out the heir, once that was decided he could work to make sure that whatever happened, each child would be left with the money and support they needed from their father. He would do right by them.

Choosing the heir would be a test, but he was determined to do it right. Should it be Eva? After her horrible past she'd found such strength and happiness and was just finding her way as a young woman when she discovered she'd also be raising a child alone. He knew she had the resilience for the task but he wanted her to have freedom to choose her path, she'd had so many other choices taken from her.

Lillia was still something of a mystery to him, she was driven and talented but she also let people push her around. Perhaps being his heir would give the confidence to stand up for herself and make her own way in life. Perhaps it would have the opposite effect, would she spend her life trying to live within some perceived template of what the heir had to be.

Or maybe Casper, he had an uphill battle ahead of him with his condition but Gray refused to disqualify his son based on a medical condition. Every indicator pointed to Casper having a bright future, the only question in Gray's mind was how the legacy might  affect his son. Casper was already incredibly goal focused and perhaps being the heir would provide motivation and value to otherwise scary and seemingly unnecessary social interactions. Or would it have the opposite effect and put pressure on something Casper might never feel comfortable doing.

There were so many things to consider, Gray wondered how he would ever choose.

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Read the next chapter now - 20. Slipping Through My Fingers

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