The Monroe Legacy - G.4 Chapter 17 - Normal People Things

 So begin the honeymoon years of the Moon-Monroe household, the period of time that gets brushed over often for the relative dullness of reading the unremarkable happiness of ordinary people. Perhaps, if they'd taken up Mrs Moon's offered papers might have found a way to spin their occasional fight over whose turn it was for laundry or their constant handholding at the grocery store into a story. Then again, had they become "those" Moons, they wouldn't have been doing groceries or laundry, and it was in these small normal spaces that they most enjoyed each other. 

Lillia moved into Noki's modern little starter home on the edge of town and they made up for all the time they'd wasted.

Noki's work was predictable and paid the bills, Lillia's career as am agent was still more of a theory than a reality, but that was okay. They had all the time in the world and things that were much more fun than thinking about pensions or savings to occupy their time. They had a couples bowling night every week with Rose and Mugsy which always ended with Noki as a pile of blushing apologies as Rose lovingly ridiculed his playboy past. They had a weekly family dinner at the bistro with Lillia's parents, siblings and the assorted cousins, spouses and old friends that a family of their size always seemed to acquire.

Nobody except Lillia and Noki was surprised when a stubborn bout of stomach flu turned out to be the next fork in the family tree.

They hadn't got round to talking about babies as a specific rather than a definite future plan, but after so long spent waiting to be together, why wait now. Privately they both thought that having a bigger family might be nice. The Moons had always heavily implied to Noki that they thought having more than two children was tacky, unless of course you had failed to have a boy, in which case it was desperate but understandable. Lillia had a raft of cousins but her own childhood had been lonely at home, between the legacy of Eva's disappearance and Caspar's Asperger's, she'd often felt a bit lost.

Still, these were thoughts for the future and for now there were first baby logistics to fit in round the morning sickness, family announcements and work. The long planned bathroom remodel went on hold and the money went on very small socks and enough wash cloths to dry an army of babies... or so they thought. 

Noki sent a polite email to his mother, letting her know she was going to be a grandparent, but wasn't surprised not to hear anything back. He was starting to get used to the disappointment of their disinterest in him as anything other than the Moon Petroleum heir, and what had once stabbed now only stung. It helped that after a bumpy start, the Monroes had basically adopted him, and getting to know them, realising that many of them had pasts they regretted and were still accepted was healing him in ways he hadn't really known he'd needed. 

It felt right that the text to announce Noki's imminent parenthood came from Lillia's mom, her water having broken in their yard. A long but uncomplicated 36 hours at the hospital sent them home with the best thing they'd done together to date.

Rumi Blaise Monroe changed everything.  

They were a noisier, tired-er, messier household, but also sillier and connected in a different way. Noki only had a week off work to soak it in while Lillia decided to wait to complete her final qualification. 

Sometimes at his desk, Noki would worry that his girls back home were forgetting about him. Sometimes, home with the baby, Lillia worried that she was forgetting how to do anything aside from keep a baby alive. In the evenings they would each read that worry on each other and talk about it, cry about it, in a way they hadn't before they were exhausted parents with no capacity for subtlety.

Things were working so well, that following a promotion for Noki, it seemed as good a time as ever to add a sibling. Lillia felt like it would be easier to take one longer break from building her reputation as an agent than two shorter ones. 

It would be tight, they barely had space for soon-to-be-toddler Rumi and all the clutter that came with that age, but that felt like a delightfully normal problem to have. Gray and Rachel had offered them the legacy house, it had too much room now they were on their own, but Lillia wasn't ready for that yet. She loved living with just her little family in a cosy kind of chaos and she wasn't ready to try and work out how she might make her parents house feel like her own. 

Lilla was standing rocking Rumi back to sleep the night the familiar pangs of labour came back. A nervous thrill ran through her and she paused a while before waking Noki.

She loved this. This house, this family, this life they had made, and she was sure that the new baby would only compound that love.

Two days later and hundreds of miles away, an impatient hand crumpled the newspaper, flown in specially from Lucky Palms.

"What kind of name is Asa?" he grumbled to an assistant hovering nervously at the door. The assistant cast about for an answer that wouldn't get them fired but an answer wasn't required. 

"At least it's a boy this time" the man concluded, his voice thoughtful. "Please call my wife in. She's going to be making a trip".

 

The Monroe Legacy - G.4 Chapter 16 - Something Old

She had the drowning nightmare the night before her wedding and was trying not to read into it. It didn't come naturally to her. She got ready telling herself nothing was wrong, that it was just a stress response ahead of a big life event, but the dark voice in the back of her head kept telling her there was more than one way to drown. 

Lillia loved Noki. She wanted to marry him, to start there family but she couldn't shake the feeling that their comfortable little bubble was actually just the inside of a huge barrel wave, headed towards an inevitable crash. Fortunately her mother and Eva knew her well enough not to try and make her talk about it, instead conversing merrily together about the best of Noki and Lillia's past, their hopes for them and joking about the trials of marriage. With them in her corner, Lillia made it to the venue feeling almost calm and ready for the next chapter. 

Her dad and Oscar were waiting to lead her in, and Rose was peeking impatiently out to get a look at the dress. They'd kept things small, wanting to live within their means and celebrate their hard-won happiness with only those closest to them. 

She'd made it almost all the way down the aisle, finding strength in the warmth on Noki's face, the solid presence of her father beside her when she spotted the stranger in the crowd. The woman looked at her with curiosity, confusion even, before arranging her face into a neutral impression whose similarity to Lillia's almost-husband told her who she must be. Noki's mother had come to Lucky Palms.

She stumbled slightly, blushing and thrown, sure that Mrs Moon must be judging her, finding her lacking and the panic was back. 

The Monroe Legacy - G.4 Chapter 15 - Rose Intervenes

In all the great love stories, the destined lovers come together in a shower of sparks. Stars align, shoulders bump in a coffee line and the twists and turns are gentle and minimally painful. Lillia called bullshit. 

She'd had a lot of boyfriends. Sometimes it had been romantic but more often than not it had been transactional, calculated; the elite of two circles extending their status, ensuring some meaningless title, proving she could get what she wanted. And now?

Whatever it was she had with Noki was certainly not rose petals and sunset strolls. She loved him. Lillia could admit that to herself now, and she was pretty sure he felt the same but they'd both hurt so many people it would never feel the pure and exciting rush of storybook love. And anyway, they were "just friends".

Since he'd moved to Lucky Palms they had spent a lot of time together, late nights at Sparky's, TV binges and dinner at his place. He'd even briefly met her parents and joined Lillia and Rose for a quick drink. From the outside it seemed they'd found an easy friendship, inside Lillia felt she was at war with herself. 

Surely nothing good could come from giving into the feelings that had torn her life apart? Wouldn't her and Noki crossing that line prove right all the awful things she'd heard whispered in her last semester at college? And her family would never approve. Rose would never truly approve...

In the end it was Rose who made it happen. 

Watching her idiot cousin and ex circle each other like self-flagellating martyrs had been fun for a few weeks but now it was pathetic. Anyone could see they wanted to be together and honestly? It was getting annoying to try not to yell "JUST KISS HIM" in Lillia's face every time she turned up for a coffee or a drink looking all sad and faraway. 

Rose had decided that Mugsy was going to marry her and Mugsy was fine with that. Rose did not want morose Lillia at her engagement party so she hatched a plan. 

Lillia walked into the empty bar with a puzzled look. Had she got the wrong time. An awkward throat-clear alerted her to Noki's presence. 

"Rose isn't with you? She said 5PM..." He looked equally confused. 

"Um- I thought this was supposed to be her party". Lillia struggled to connect the dots and was interrupted by the snick of a letter being slid down the bar by the barkeep.

"Rose told me to give you this," the woman said, clearly enjoying her part in the plot. "She said to tell you that she's bored of the 'will they wont they' and you can't come to her actual party until you 'sort your shit out'. 

Lillia's cheeks burned. It was so Rose. She forced herself to look at Noki and saw the same scared, hopeful look dancing in his eyes as was swirling in her chest. He held out a hand. 

"You wanna dance on it?" he said. And she did. 

Everything and nothing changed. Lillia and Noki did the same things, but there was an honesty in the space between them. They'd agreed without really saying as much to take it slow, so there was no mad tumble into bed but where before they'd had stepped back from a brush of fingers while walking, a head on a shoulder during a movie they now leaned in. 

Noki knew all her secrets, her worst parts and he wasn't going anywhere. She knew all his, from the mad family to the disaster of his finances and she was still in it too. For both of them this was new territory.

Rose claimed to be disappointed there had been no fireworks, no steamy bar bathroom hookup but Lillia could tell she wasn't really. Nobody was disappointed. Her parents hadn't even blinked when she'd told them her and Noki were feeling things out romantically, for the first time in a long time Lillia wasn't hiding anything from anyone, there were no games being played, it was easy.

Noki told her he loved her over beers they hadn't waited to get cold while watching a hospital drama. Lillia told him back after she'd had a second to collect herself while refilling the popcorn. Knowing it and saying it were two different things. Letting herself feel it was yet another. 

It felt right though, another clear truth in the increasingly simple life she was building. 

With things falling into place Lillia finally knew what she wanted to pursue. She signed up to a business course which, along with her major in sport would enable her to work with young athletes on building sustainable careers. Maybe all the bad things that had happened to her, all the bad things she'd done all on her own weren't the end of the world, but just shaping a new one. For the first time Lillia felt like maybe she had something worthwhile to add to her family's legacy. She might not be a star, a genius or even a particularly nice person, but she had kept going, kept learning. 

Reading back over some of her family's journals she supposed persistence was what had really defined each of the heirs before her. Maybe her trials had been self-constructed but that didn't mean overcoming them was meaningless. She could build something better for her kids. Her family would support her in doing that and Noki's were out of the picture. 

They had a clear shot, a real chance. That was better than some bullshit fairy tale happy ever after and nothing was going to get in their way.

Read Chapter 16 - Something Old

The Monroe Legacy - Gen. 4 Chapter 14 - The End of Avoidance

 She's hoped he wouldn't come - that he'd run away like she had but vanishing had never been Noki's style. He was on time, looking only a little nervous which somehow made Lillia's sweaty palms even clammier. She gestured at the next sun lounger, slightly further away than would make for a comfortable conversation. A calculated move to try and keep things short. Impersonal.

"Hi," he said. It didn't feel impersonal.

"You wanted to see me?" Despite everything Rose had said, everything Lillia knew to be true in her cousin's outburst the night before, she still didn't know how to have this talk. She didn't know what she wanted so she figured it was best to let Noki take the lead while she tried to work things out.

"Um. Yes. It's about Lucky Palms. Well sort of. It's about you and Lucky Palms, you in Lucky Palms... am I making any sense?" He stumbled for words and Lillia couldn't help the affectionate smile that quirked her lip. He's never been unsure in college, until that last time, and it reminded her of - no. She didn't want to think about that.

"So far I've understood you have something to say about me and/or Lucky Palms in various configurations", she kept her tone light, and he looked at her, something of the old dynamic snapping between them.

"Right." Noki gathered himself. "So I've had an offer. Two actually. One of a job, here in Lucky Palms and another from the University to buy Yellow Cottage for more than it's really worth. It's a chance for me to have a real fresh start, one that I could never afford otherwise... but I know that this is your hometown. "Your family is here, Rose is here, and I've made things hard enough for you. So - I wanted to give you the chance to tell me to stay away. And I will. I can look for another job".

He tailed off. Lillia stood and walked towards the water. She knew without looking that he had followed. She paused.

"You know, I really liked that Yellow Cottage" she mused, "I got the impression you did too?"

Noki agreed. "I did. I do. But I can't really afford to keep it. Nobody's hiring anything close to what I'd have to pay to keep it up.

"Your parents still haven't reconsidered?" Lillia was surprised. Was it really so terrible to not go through with an arranged marriage in the 21st Century. On look at Anoki's face told her that apparently it was. He looked sad, angry and resolute all in the fraction of a second.

"No," was his only response.

"Well Lucky Palms is a pretty big town, and I assume you're not planning to work for any of my family's businesses? Lillia asked.

"The job is just out of town, New Business Junior Associate at Rowson Hydroelectrics. It sounds boring as hell. It is  boring as hell but it pays, and they didn't make my dad's list of companies to call and tell not to hire me so..."He sounded matter of fact, resigned to his limited options and Lillia almost envied him the simplicity of his choice. She still had no idea what to pursue.

"You should take the job" she said. "What happened between us was a mess and a mistake but we don't have to keep paying for it forever." Lillia couldn't quite believe how simple it sounded in clear air. 

"Really?" Noki sounded doubtful, but pleased.

"What?" Lillia joked, "Surely I wasn't that big of a controlling bitch at college that you expected me to ban you from an entire town for my convenience?"

"Weeeellllll-oof", he started, before Lillia punched him in the arm.

"And there I was about to take you up on your long ago offer of friendship Anoki Moon. Such a shame your sense of humor is still that of a grade schooler". He grinned at her and she suddenly remembered why he'd been so dangerous, what his smile - the real one rather than the knowing smirk - could do to her.

"You really wanna be friends with me?" Noki sounded so hopeful that Lillia didn't have the heart to say no, even as all her cautious braincells screamed to run, maintain distance, guard against the man who was somehow standing much closer than she'd thought he was. 

"Sure." She shrugged, stepping back. "I think we can probably manage friends. Rose asked me to tell her what you wanted so I will make sure she's cool with it before we plan any bar crawls or... friendship bracelet ceremonies."

Lillia's sentence trailed into silence. Had she given away the flip her stomach still did for Noki in the pause when she desperately racked her brain for platonic activities they might do together. Had he caught the faint blush that chased the definitely not platonic activities that had briefly flirted on the edge of her mind. Had he-

He stepped forward and took her hands. 

"Thank you Lillia. You've made all this sound easy but I know it might not have been. I appreciate the second chance. I owe you a beer."

"Third chance." She lightly stepped out of his reach, keeping her tone light and even. "So I think you owe me three beers!" She walked away before he could see that her hands were shaking.

The Monroe Legacy - Gen. 4 Chapter 13 - Who Are You Punishing?

"Of course you're here." Lillia didn't care that her voice carried a little too far across the empty terrace. "It's 5AM Noki, do not try me".

He crooked an eyebrow but otherwise didn't react to her harsh welcome. 

"Hello Lillia. It's nice to see you too. I know it's early but your mum told me that you finish at 6 and I would really like for us to talk when you're done? I wanted to give you some time to think about it. I figured if I came at 6 you'd just run." Noki sounded the same as always, though the smug confidence that had carried him through college was gone.

He fidgeted on his chair.

Lillia frowned.

"You want me to think about whether or not I want to talk to you while I wait on you?"

Noki shrugged. "I can go wait somewhere? In the park round the corner? Come back at 6? Or I can stay, I promise I'll leave a good tip".

"I don't want anything from you!" It escaped before Lillia could realise what she was saying. Noki's eyes went big as she clapped a hand over her mouth. "What I mean is that I don't want to feel like I owe you a chat. I'll talk to you if I want to, not because you threw money at the problem. We're not in college any more and I'm trying to be different".

He nodded slowly. "You know I was jo- you know what never mind. I'll go wait in that park. Come by if you want to see me Lillia. I would - well - just do what you want okay?"

Lillia didn't watch to see if he looked back on his way out, wiping down the table with excessive vigour and dumping the cleaning kit back behind the bar. Sparky looked at her with the sort of kind curiosity she'd spent months trying not to attract.

"You wanna tell me why you're scaring off paying customers Miss Lil?" he asked.

She shook her head. "He's... just a guy things ended weirdly with Sparky and - ," Lillia's sentence hung unfinished as she stared at a spot on the counter, twisting a pen in her hands.

Sparky smiled, nodded, this made more sense than the nothing he'd had to go on before. 

"Why don't you finish up a bit early? Go do what you need to. Mitch and I can handle things," he said, and then held his tongue and his neutral expression until Lillia had crumpled up her apron and dashed for the door.

She stood for a second, looking in the direction of the park, with a curious expression, then
got in her car and drove home as the sun rose over the desert.

The Monroe Legacy - G.4. Chapter 12 - Now... Where Was I?

 

I suppose you're wondering how we got here. How is it that after six years of silence and a cliffhanger that must surely have been fatal to your interest by now, Lillia Monroe is standing in her wedding dress as if no time has passed. 

We last saw her, humbled and heartbroken by the loss of a friend, a possible romance dead on arrival and facing the disapproval of her family. Home from college but with no idea where to go, who to be, and on her own for the first time without the shield of popularity and her family's legacy to uphold.

How could a young woman, only just beginning to reckon with the harms she's caused, the lives her lies so carelessly derailed, get back to a place where she could peacefully walk down the aisle? Could that self-centred child ever be ready to start a life with a partner that would stand the test of time?

Well, if you'll bear with me, I'll tell you...

The Monroe Legacy - G.4. Chapter 11 - Paying the Price

Authors Note - I'm so sorry for the long hiatus. I kind of fell out of love with this story because it just wasn't flowing, the save was laggy and RL got crazy. Then inspiration hit, I moved them to a new neighbourhood and life calmed down. I have a few chapters ready to go and I will henceforth be aiming to publish a chapter a week. Probably Monday or Tuesday.

Thanks for bearing with me :)

Rose XX

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'Rose! Wait!'

Lillia threw open the door and shouted at her cousin's retreating figure but Rose showed no sign of slowing.

'Please Rose!' Perhaps it was the pleading tone of her voice, perhaps Rose just wanted to confront them but this time she did stop, turning slowly to reveal tear streaked cheeks and blazing eyes.

'Fine' she spat. 'You have two minutes,' and with that she stalked back up the drive and through the door.

Noki stepped forward, his posture displaying his discomfort and voice laced with concern.

'Rose, it isn't what it looks like..'

'No! I'm not here to listen to you Anoki. I'm here for one reason and one reason only. So that Lillia can tell me the truth.'. In the face of Rose's fury Noki shrank back and Lillia, trying to compose herself stepped forwards.

'There's nothing going on between us Rose, I didn't even mean to come here but there was some stuff we needed to talk through. Stuff involving you.'

Rose's shoulder slumped.

'I knew it.' The rage was gone from her voice and sadness had taken it's place. 'Ever since Daisy told me last year that the two of you were getting it on I've watched for anything to make me believe her. I could ignore the little glances and you constantly trying to avoid talking about him. I almost had myself convinced that it was all just another one of Daisy's schemes. But she was right. Something did happen.'

Lillia nodded slowly, 'I kept trying to find a way to tell you. It was the end of year party and it was a huge mistake.'

Rose shook her head, 'No the huge mistake was me assuming that because we were related you would treat me any differently than those other innocent girls who got between you and something you wanted. The mistake was me believing that there was some of the Lillia I knew before the accident under that cold plastic exterior.'

Lillia couldn't find anything to rebut that. It stung but it was the truth after all, just as she'd feared that last loose thread of dishonesty had unravelled all the hard work she'd done to change into a person she wanted to be. Lillia was defeated but still Noki tried to defend her,

'It was just once and Lil was really drunk. Rose you have to believe us.'

'I don't have to believe anything you two say.' There was no understanding in those words, no hope of reconciliation. 'Once was one time to many. I hope you're happy Lillia, you just made an enemy of the last person on campus who was really on your side. You deserve him.'

And with that she turned and left.

Lillia and Noki stood side by side staring at the space she had left. Ten minutes ago they had seen a new friendship stretching before them and promised to help each other be better people. They had hoped for a resolution. How stupid it all seemed now.

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The awful thing about life in the sorority, thought Lillia, was that nothing had really changed. Before she had drifted past the low whispers and sideways looks assuming they were nothing to do with her. But Rose had stripped her of that illusion and now the dining hall was a minefield of hurtful words. Selfish, slut, traitor, fake, bitch. That was their favourite. She pretended not to hear it, that words didn't matter but seeing in Rose's face that her own cousin believed those things of her was heartbreaking.

Some days she would muster up the courage to confront them, drawing herself up and catapulting herself to heart of the noise, usually around Daisy, intending to demand they say those things to her face. But the second she was seated the smiles would snap into place and they'd chatter mindlessly about celebrities and fashion until she could bear the two-facedness no longer.

Worse still was the return home to Lucky Palms where the fair-weather friends of the party scene flocked to Rose's side and a frosty divide had set in between two branches of the Monroe family. Where once Gray, Jet and the other siblings had eaten en masse at the bistro at least weekly there was now nothing. The ranch was off limits because of Lillia and though Gray had assured her it would blow over, his tone suggested he wasn't impressed by her actions.

Rachel's reaction was worse yet. While Gray had largely avoided the topic except to confirm that what they had heard second hand (a full-blown affair spanning months) was not true, Lillia's mother had been unable to hide her disappointment. The morning after Lillia returned for spring break she found her mom with a serious expression and two cups of coffee waiting in an otherwise deserted house.

'Mom... I didn't mean to-',

'Stop there Lillia. You didn't mean to hurt your cousin. It was a mistake. We've all heard it a hundred times. And honestly I believe that you didn't mean to do it. The problem is that I think you don't mean to do a lot of the things you do, I blame myself and your father for part of that, I was always so proud to have a "popular" daughter that I assumed that the person I knew was the same one the rest of the world saw, even if the evidence didn't exactly support my view .'

Lillia hung her head and Rachel's tone softened slightly.

'Lillia honey, I know you didn't have an easy run of it, Eva's disappearance, the accident, your dad and I being so busy. You were always such a sweet child that we just let you do as you wanted, I never told you no or raised my concerns at first because they seemed silly and then because I didn't want to push you away or upset you. You were this beautiful and completely confusing teenager and I wanted to keep you close. It seemed to get worse when you went to University and I wondered if I should say something then but just when I got up the nerve you seemed to go back to being more like that little girl I used to know.'

'I've been trying mommy,' Lillia could barely hold back the tears, she could cope with everyone else hating her but knowing that her own mother had looked at her and seen a stranger was too much.

'I know baby.' Rachel's composure began to crumble too and she came to comfort her daughter. 'You're my daughter which means I notice that stuff. And you get as many do-overs as you need when it comes to me. I'll love you even if you decide to join the circus or move to Mongolia and become a monk. Which is why I had to talk to you now, before you get any further down whatever path you choose.

In this house you always have the chance to wipe the slate clean but that won't happen elsewhere. Most people won't give you the chance to figure it out and once you lose them it's over. Even that isn't always the end of the world, losing people is part of life, we leave the people we don't fit in with behind as we figure out who we are.

What you have to decide is who you want to be, not in terms of your job or your future prospects but in terms of what's in your heart, the things which truly matter to you. And then surround yourself with people who make you into that person, don't torment yourself over all the others who fall by the wayside. Figure out which people are worth fighting to have in your life and do whatever you can to hold on to them.'

'And if it's too late? If they already gave up on you?' Lillia's voice was unsteady.

Rachel smiled, 'Then you have to believe it isn't over.'

Lillia managed a watery smile in return. 'Okay.'

After gathering up the mugs and stacking the dishwasher Rachel looked over at where Lillia was still lost in thought.

'Hey Lil?'

'Hmmmmm?' was all she got back.

'How about my trendy daughter takes her old mom to the mall for a little girl time?'

Lillia finally focused back on the situation at hand, a mother daughter bonding day might be just what the doctor had ordered.

'Fine, but only if you promise never to use the word trendy ever again!' she laughed.

Read Chapter Gen 4 Chapter 12 - Now, Where Was I?

The Monroe Legacy - G.4. Chapter 10 - Shame, Blame and Change

They passed the few hundred meters back to the house in an awkward silence that carried them up the path and through the door. Once they were in Lillia was amused to see that her suspicions had been correct and the interior was just as yellow as the exterior. Everything was yellow, walls, floors, cushions and appliances.

Catching her grin Noki offered an explanation,

'It was my great-aunt Tilda's house, she always loved yellow but as she got older she got a little obsessive over it. She was a sweet lady though, always had time for me as a small boy and she left me this place when she died. I haven't had the heart to change anything except the truly horrifying yellow kitten painting in my bedroom!'

Lillia nodded,

'At least it's cheerful!'

This time when Noki laughed there was something off and it sounded tight and brittle,

'Right now I need that more than you know.'

The small talk dried up and the awkwardness was back. Lillia was torn between starting on what she wanted to discuss and checking if Noki was okay, there had been something different about him since his transfer and it sounded like the house situation was linked to whatever it was.

She was disturbed in her dilemma by an offer of coffee which gave a moment for Lillia to organise her thoughts. Five minutes later they were seated across from each other, drinks steaming and out of excuses to delay. Opening her mouth to start Lillia was surprised when Noki began.

'I want to start by saying sorry for my behaviour last year. I was incredibly selfish, I was there for Rose who was great but you were fascinating in a way I didn't know a woman could be. So I flirted, even when you pushed me back I persisted and then I exploited your moment of weakness to get what I wanted. I realised afterwards that it was meaningless because even for those few minutes I didn't really have the you I wanted. I had the party girl but not the brain behind her, that sharp humour and gentle sparring we always shared. So I'm sorry. Both for the taking advantage and for the chasing, it wasn't fair to you and it was wrong.' 

For a moment Lillia was so stunned by his honesty that she didn't know what to say. He was offering her an apology and an explanation that let her off the hook. She could just walk away now and with his confession make Rose believe that she was barely at fault.

It was tempting. But it would be wrong

'I really appreciate hearing your side of things Noki', she paused to gather her thoughts, 'but I can't accept your apology'. He began to protest but Lillia forged onwards.

'It's not that I don't appreciate it... I really do. But I can't accept you taking all of the blame. It takes two to tango and every moment you acted badly I matched. I was drunk that night but I wasn't unconscious. I knew what I was doing, knew what I wanted was wrong, I chose to betray my friend as much as you did. We both did a bad thing and we both owe an apology. Maybe to each other eventually but first to Rose. That's why I wanted to talk to you.'

Noki grimaced, 'You think we should tell her?'

'I know we should tell her.' Now she had decided it was so clear to Lillia that she should have spoken up months ago. 'And soon, before somebody else does. It sounds to me like you've been thinking about it as much as I have, trying to make it right but we can't truly put it behind us until we have told the truth. '

Noki nodded. He didn't look happy but he didn't look surprised either. Lillia couldn't put her finger on it but there was something different about him lately, he didn't have the same arrogant swagger he used to, he could fake it when he had to but when he relaxed he was a little subdued. She hesitated, not wanting to damage the fragile trust they'd begun to build.

'Noki.... You don't have to answer if you don't want to but I have to ask. Did something happen to change things for you. You just seem... Different lately. Quieter....'

'You mean I seem less like an entitled ass?' His tone was light but his eyes told another story.

Lillia nodded.

'I can't really pull it off these days, people don't like an entitled ass so much when he doesn't have the funds to back it up.'

Lillia was puzzled, 'I don't understand what that means?'

Noki looked away, 'It means I was disinherited, I did the one thing my father couldn't forgive me and now all I have left is this', he gestured at the house, 'and a small allowance from my mother's private account. Just enough for bills and tuition. I'm not heir to Moon Petroleum anymore, my sister is.'

'I do-don't know what to say', Lillia struggled for the right response. 'I'm so sorry! Will he change his mind?'

Noki shook his head. 'No. As he put it "after all I have overlooked, all I gave you, you deny me the one thing I have ever asked of you". I've never seen him that angry.'

They sat in silence for a little while and Lillia twisted a loose thread on her sleeve around her finger as the moment stretched out into awkwardness but she didn't speak; it felt like there was more to be said. Noki broke first.

'I suppose you want to know what I did?'

Lillia kept her tone neutral, she did want to know but she didn't want to pry. 'Only if you want to tell me.'

He considered a moment. 'I do. But it's kind of embarrassing.'

 'Ever since I was small I have known that my father wanted me to marry the daughter of his biggest competitor. Stella Sinclair was the ideal match for me, it was a good business decision, a merger between our families would make our conglomerate the biggest in the country, our families moved in the same circles and she was pretty, compliant and wouldn't make any trouble. I didn't mind at first, she was good company, she thought I was wonderful and didn't ask questions about our time apart. I figured I'd do as my father did, sow my wild oats at college then return home, marry the girl and run the company.

It was working fine, I was young and with it stupidly content to be wealthy, handsome and free. Stella was back home waiting, she never needed to know about what I did and she probably would have forgiven me anyway just for the sake of the life she had planned with me. But then it all changed.

Rose was great fun, we had a blast together but I knew it was just a fling and I thought she did too, I was never subtle about my other extra-curricular activities when I was with her. We would have run our course and it would have been another notch in my bedpost as I inched towards my pre-arranged life.

Then I met you. Right from the beginning you had something that got under my skin, it was infuriating but it was exciting.

It took a while for me to realise what it was that made you different but I worked it out eventually. You were my equal. 

Equally self-interested, equally adored but equally intelligent. We both knew how to make things happen, how to get what we wanted and when we collided... Well neither of us got our way. Rose was one of the few people you would put ahead of yourself, so you didn't get what you wanted. Your resistance to whatever spark was between us meant that I wasn't going to get what I wanted either.

So we stalled. We circled each other, burying our interest under banter and bickering and I assumed the spark would burn out. It always had before. When it didn't I had no idea what to do, so I stayed as close as I could, using Rose as a decoy and waiting for something to change. It did that night when you let me kiss you.'

Lillia blushed at the memory.

'The next day I woke up expecting to feel satisfied at my victory but that was when I realised it wasn't what I wanted any more. I didn't want one kiss, not even one night. I wanted the intrigue of everyday with somebody who was my equal. So I ended things with Rose, with all of my playthings and I went home to see if Stella could be that person for me. 

She couldn't. 

That wasn't all that changed, with my new eyes everything at home looked different.

My father rules everything, including my mother. I had always justified this with the assumption he had done as I planned to and ended his other affairs at their wedding, becoming her devoted partner and provider.  He had not. He lived a high risk, high reward kind of life where nothing, not even his family, was sacred. I realised I didn't want that, I wanted a chance at a life that meant something.

When I told my father I couldn't marry Stella he gave me a choice. I could be the man he raised me to be and be the Moon heir with Stella at my side. Or I could fend for myself. 

I chose me.'

He gestured around the room, 'Hence the former player in the yellow house trying to figure out the world.'  

Even not  having known much about Noki from before, Lillia could tell that this was a huge change and probably more difficult for him than he was making out.

'Your dad made the wrong choice', was all she could think to say. 'God knows that I don't know much about making good choices but I do know that when you tried to make a right choice, he made a wrong one. I hope it all works out in the end.'

Noki gave her a small, sad smile. 'Me too. I'm glad you don't think me an idiot. It isn't easy but I think despite the hurt I'm happier already. I'd like for us to be friends Lillia'.

She stiffened slightly, apprehensive. 'Just friends?'

He nodded. 'For now I think we both need to figure out ourselves before we try anything else.'

Relieved she nodded and smiled and felt a new lightness when he grinned back.

'Shake on it?' Lillia stuck out her hand and was surprised but not unpleasantly when Noki pulled her i to a bear hug.

'Sorry,' he said gruffly, 'I just...um.. Needed a hug I guess.'

He didn't notice when Lillia stiffened in his arms and he couldn't see her face to know that it had turned white.

'When shall we speak to Rose?' he asked as he stepped away.

Choking back her panic Lillia just pointed to the stricken face outside the window.

'I think we might be too late.'

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Read on now! Chapter 11 - Paying the Price