The Monroe Legacy - G.4. Chapter 10 - Shame, Blame and Change

They passed the few hundred meters back to the house in an awkward silence that carried them up the path and through the door. Once they were in Lillia was amused to see that her suspicions had been correct and the interior was just as yellow as the exterior. Everything was yellow, walls, floors, cushions and appliances.

Catching her grin Noki offered an explanation,

'It was my great-aunt Tilda's house, she always loved yellow but as she got older she got a little obsessive over it. She was a sweet lady though, always had time for me as a small boy and she left me this place when she died. I haven't had the heart to change anything except the truly horrifying yellow kitten painting in my bedroom!'

Lillia nodded,

'At least it's cheerful!'

This time when Noki laughed there was something off and it sounded tight and brittle,

'Right now I need that more than you know.'

The small talk dried up and the awkwardness was back. Lillia was torn between starting on what she wanted to discuss and checking if Noki was okay, there had been something different about him since his transfer and it sounded like the house situation was linked to whatever it was.

She was disturbed in her dilemma by an offer of coffee which gave a moment for Lillia to organise her thoughts. Five minutes later they were seated across from each other, drinks steaming and out of excuses to delay. Opening her mouth to start Lillia was surprised when Noki began.

'I want to start by saying sorry for my behaviour last year. I was incredibly selfish, I was there for Rose who was great but you were fascinating in a way I didn't know a woman could be. So I flirted, even when you pushed me back I persisted and then I exploited your moment of weakness to get what I wanted. I realised afterwards that it was meaningless because even for those few minutes I didn't really have the you I wanted. I had the party girl but not the brain behind her, that sharp humour and gentle sparring we always shared. So I'm sorry. Both for the taking advantage and for the chasing, it wasn't fair to you and it was wrong.' 

For a moment Lillia was so stunned by his honesty that she didn't know what to say. He was offering her an apology and an explanation that let her off the hook. She could just walk away now and with his confession make Rose believe that she was barely at fault.

It was tempting. But it would be wrong

'I really appreciate hearing your side of things Noki', she paused to gather her thoughts, 'but I can't accept your apology'. He began to protest but Lillia forged onwards.

'It's not that I don't appreciate it... I really do. But I can't accept you taking all of the blame. It takes two to tango and every moment you acted badly I matched. I was drunk that night but I wasn't unconscious. I knew what I was doing, knew what I wanted was wrong, I chose to betray my friend as much as you did. We both did a bad thing and we both owe an apology. Maybe to each other eventually but first to Rose. That's why I wanted to talk to you.'

Noki grimaced, 'You think we should tell her?'

'I know we should tell her.' Now she had decided it was so clear to Lillia that she should have spoken up months ago. 'And soon, before somebody else does. It sounds to me like you've been thinking about it as much as I have, trying to make it right but we can't truly put it behind us until we have told the truth. '

Noki nodded. He didn't look happy but he didn't look surprised either. Lillia couldn't put her finger on it but there was something different about him lately, he didn't have the same arrogant swagger he used to, he could fake it when he had to but when he relaxed he was a little subdued. She hesitated, not wanting to damage the fragile trust they'd begun to build.

'Noki.... You don't have to answer if you don't want to but I have to ask. Did something happen to change things for you. You just seem... Different lately. Quieter....'

'You mean I seem less like an entitled ass?' His tone was light but his eyes told another story.

Lillia nodded.

'I can't really pull it off these days, people don't like an entitled ass so much when he doesn't have the funds to back it up.'

Lillia was puzzled, 'I don't understand what that means?'

Noki looked away, 'It means I was disinherited, I did the one thing my father couldn't forgive me and now all I have left is this', he gestured at the house, 'and a small allowance from my mother's private account. Just enough for bills and tuition. I'm not heir to Moon Petroleum anymore, my sister is.'

'I do-don't know what to say', Lillia struggled for the right response. 'I'm so sorry! Will he change his mind?'

Noki shook his head. 'No. As he put it "after all I have overlooked, all I gave you, you deny me the one thing I have ever asked of you". I've never seen him that angry.'

They sat in silence for a little while and Lillia twisted a loose thread on her sleeve around her finger as the moment stretched out into awkwardness but she didn't speak; it felt like there was more to be said. Noki broke first.

'I suppose you want to know what I did?'

Lillia kept her tone neutral, she did want to know but she didn't want to pry. 'Only if you want to tell me.'

He considered a moment. 'I do. But it's kind of embarrassing.'

 'Ever since I was small I have known that my father wanted me to marry the daughter of his biggest competitor. Stella Sinclair was the ideal match for me, it was a good business decision, a merger between our families would make our conglomerate the biggest in the country, our families moved in the same circles and she was pretty, compliant and wouldn't make any trouble. I didn't mind at first, she was good company, she thought I was wonderful and didn't ask questions about our time apart. I figured I'd do as my father did, sow my wild oats at college then return home, marry the girl and run the company.

It was working fine, I was young and with it stupidly content to be wealthy, handsome and free. Stella was back home waiting, she never needed to know about what I did and she probably would have forgiven me anyway just for the sake of the life she had planned with me. But then it all changed.

Rose was great fun, we had a blast together but I knew it was just a fling and I thought she did too, I was never subtle about my other extra-curricular activities when I was with her. We would have run our course and it would have been another notch in my bedpost as I inched towards my pre-arranged life.

Then I met you. Right from the beginning you had something that got under my skin, it was infuriating but it was exciting.

It took a while for me to realise what it was that made you different but I worked it out eventually. You were my equal. 

Equally self-interested, equally adored but equally intelligent. We both knew how to make things happen, how to get what we wanted and when we collided... Well neither of us got our way. Rose was one of the few people you would put ahead of yourself, so you didn't get what you wanted. Your resistance to whatever spark was between us meant that I wasn't going to get what I wanted either.

So we stalled. We circled each other, burying our interest under banter and bickering and I assumed the spark would burn out. It always had before. When it didn't I had no idea what to do, so I stayed as close as I could, using Rose as a decoy and waiting for something to change. It did that night when you let me kiss you.'

Lillia blushed at the memory.

'The next day I woke up expecting to feel satisfied at my victory but that was when I realised it wasn't what I wanted any more. I didn't want one kiss, not even one night. I wanted the intrigue of everyday with somebody who was my equal. So I ended things with Rose, with all of my playthings and I went home to see if Stella could be that person for me. 

She couldn't. 

That wasn't all that changed, with my new eyes everything at home looked different.

My father rules everything, including my mother. I had always justified this with the assumption he had done as I planned to and ended his other affairs at their wedding, becoming her devoted partner and provider.  He had not. He lived a high risk, high reward kind of life where nothing, not even his family, was sacred. I realised I didn't want that, I wanted a chance at a life that meant something.

When I told my father I couldn't marry Stella he gave me a choice. I could be the man he raised me to be and be the Moon heir with Stella at my side. Or I could fend for myself. 

I chose me.'

He gestured around the room, 'Hence the former player in the yellow house trying to figure out the world.'  

Even not  having known much about Noki from before, Lillia could tell that this was a huge change and probably more difficult for him than he was making out.

'Your dad made the wrong choice', was all she could think to say. 'God knows that I don't know much about making good choices but I do know that when you tried to make a right choice, he made a wrong one. I hope it all works out in the end.'

Noki gave her a small, sad smile. 'Me too. I'm glad you don't think me an idiot. It isn't easy but I think despite the hurt I'm happier already. I'd like for us to be friends Lillia'.

She stiffened slightly, apprehensive. 'Just friends?'

He nodded. 'For now I think we both need to figure out ourselves before we try anything else.'

Relieved she nodded and smiled and felt a new lightness when he grinned back.

'Shake on it?' Lillia stuck out her hand and was surprised but not unpleasantly when Noki pulled her i to a bear hug.

'Sorry,' he said gruffly, 'I just...um.. Needed a hug I guess.'

He didn't notice when Lillia stiffened in his arms and he couldn't see her face to know that it had turned white.

'When shall we speak to Rose?' he asked as he stepped away.

Choking back her panic Lillia just pointed to the stricken face outside the window.

'I think we might be too late.'

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Read on now! Chapter 11 - Paying the Price

The Monroe Legacy - G. 4. Chapter 5 - Missing Pieces

'Tia?' Lillia repeated dumbly, her mind struggling to understand what Casper was saying.

The girl stepped out from behind Casper and extended a hand towards Lillia,

'Well my actual name is Talia but most people call me Tia. Nice to finally meet you'.

Lillia finally let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding. It was all just a big conincidence then, for a second she had thought her brother had either gone mad or that something utterly impossible had happened. She looked at a Talia again and noted that she was an unusual looking girl, her purple hair was well dyed, barely any root showing and her eyes were so dark they had to be contacts! Her outfit was.... Interesting and for a second reminded Lillia of something she couldn't quite put a finger on. As she puzzled to think what it might be she realised Casper was speaking again, his voice impassioned.

'....met Tia at space camp and felt like I knew who she was. She felt the same though we'd never met before and we spent more and more time together, each feeling like we already knew the other person.' Tia nodded in agreement, unconsciously moving closer to Casper as he continued.

'After the first couple weeks I decided to risk telling her about my imaginary Tia, about the similarities they shared, about how well she seemed to understand me. I fully expected her to laugh in my face but instead she told me that she had an imaginary friend too, only hers was called Cas and that it was kinda like me, introverted and logical when she needed someone to reason with her. At first it just seemed like a really freaky coincidence butt we've talked a lot about it and it kinda makes sense.'

At this Lillia cocked an eyebrow, this all sounded pretty weird to her.

'How does it make sense?'

Tia stepped in, her tone the quietly passionate, totally logical one that Lillia had heard Casper use a thousand times.

'Casper and I are both highly intelligent humans with slightly dysfunctional personalities. Casper has Aspergers, he doesn't like change or people but needs somebody to talk through his theories with, someone of equal intelligence who can see the connections in areas he finds confusing. I have ADHD so I need somebody who focuses me, who can make me understand the minute details when my hormones are telling me to rush onto the next project. We both grew up with those things missing and so we invented somebody who had what we lacked.'

Lillia nodded, that did sound kinda plausible.

'With any made up character there's a probability of there being someone in the world who shares most of that imagined personality. Casper and I, our creations were as intelligent as we were and because they belonged to a relatively small percentile of the population, it follows that if such a person existed there was a higher probability that we would cross paths. As we did.'

Tia paused and took Casper's hand, both of them looking expectantly at Lillia who was still processing. It wasn't the most ridiculous theory she'd ever heard but it was still pretty weird if it held any truth. But she could see her brother believed it absolutely, there was a light in his eyes she had never seen there before.

'That still doesn't make total sense to me,' Lillia began, hating seeing his shoulders begin to slump, 'but I'm going to give you geniuses the benefit of the doubt. I just have a couple of questions.'

Casper nodded enthusiastically,

'Anything!' he said.

'Firstly the name thing... That's freaky. What happened there? And secondly why is Tia hiding in your room Casper?'

Her brother shuffled his feet awkwardly.

'The name thing is a coincidence and isn't quite as spooky as it sounds. Tia is just a nickname and her imaginary friend Cas was short for Cassy and was a girl. But it is still a bit odd. As for the hiding thing, that's what we were debating when we woke you.

Tia lives with her aunt who has fostered her since she was a kid. Her aunt doesn't get that Tia is smart and could have a future so she wants Tia to drop out of school and go clean hotels with her. At least that's what she wants when she's sober.'

Lillia looked across and saw in Tia a combination of fear and determination. Her bright eyes and clenched jaw showed that she would fight while her folded arms gave her the posture of a kid who wasn't sure they had done the right thing.

'I was going to run away after Space Camp, I got in on a scholarship and told my aunt I was visiting a friend,' Tia explained. 'I'm 16, I'm old enough and I'd rather work in a diner and do night school than work with my aunt and have her take "rent" and "taxes" out of my pay before I see a penny. Casper persuaded me to come with him instead and I'm glad I did but it feels wrong lying to your parents.

I was trying to explain I should leave and take care of myself, Casper was saying I should stay and that nobody needed to know. It's a mess' Tia finished lamely.

Lillia just nodded, her brain whirling with new and confusing information and unable to find the right thing to say to the two hopeful teenagers who stood before her, their new companionship on the line. In the end Lillia knew they all needed a little time.

'It's late. We're all tired. Don't do anything dramatic and in the morning we'll make a plan'.

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The morning came and it was clear to Lillia what needed to be done. Tia was right, She couldn't keep living in the shadows, especially when there was a good chance that Gray and Rachel would understand and want to support Casper's friend.

Lillia let Tia pick out some clothes from her wardrobe, the poor girl had been stuck with the oddments in Casper's old costume chest and then they all went to tell Gray and Rachel the truth. Lillia sat quietly, nodding encouragingly when a Casper looked over for support. Hearing the story for a second time it all made more sense though she did notice a couple of shifty glances between Tia and Casper, like they were leaving something out.

Gray and Rachel reacted in much the same way that Lillia had, disbelief followed by a slow acceptance of the story. They then left to talk it over leaving two anxious teenagers and an observer behind.

If Lillia had had any doubts as to Casper's attachment to Tia. It was now stripped away, he sat close to her, his arm protectively around her shoulders and stroked her hair. Seeing such a natural display of affection from her usually aloof brother made Lillia's heart hurt. Partly she was happy for him but she was also jealous, she had once had that but not only was it lost, she couldn't even remember what it felt to be loved so fiercely.

When the adults eventually returned it was good news for the young couple. Tia could stay as long as she told her aunt where she was, attended school and kept to their rules. She was to sleep in Lillia's old room and contribute to her costs only by doing her share of the chores.

Lillia crept out as they began discussing the details, unwilling to spoil their happiness with her sad moment. Instead she opened up her laptop and started planning her 18th birthday, how best should high school royalty celebrate their big birthday?

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Those last months of high school flew by at an alarming pace, change looming unstoppable on the horizon. The closer college got the tetchier Lillia became, taking out her frustration at her prospects and her present position on anyone who got too close to her. She dated and dumped every eligible and attractive guy in the senior class, popularity being her main qualifier and found every one of them, no matter how sweet and attentive, left her cold. Casper and Tia's blossoming romance haunted her at home and she took to spending her time either at the gym or the mall, remaking herself over and over and hoping to rediscover some of what she had lost.

Her eighteenth birthday went off with a bang, her pink pajama party would go down in the Brittlebush student history as one of the most memorable nights of the decade. The food and drink were laid on by Gray and Rachel to lavish praise, perhaps made more effusive by the copious quantities of booze somebody had laced the iced tea with. 

Lillia had provided matching pjs for her special guests, marking out the elite from the crowd which only made the screaming match between Daisy and Rose after the former made a drunken pass at the latter's boyfriend more entertaining for the masses.

The fall-out left Lillia even more firmly at the top of the food chain and as finals tension mounted the power manifested in various ways. Brooke found herself permanently banished from the popular crowd after a thoughtless comment about an autistic boy in her year, Daisy had to exchange her prom dress twice when Lillia decided it clashed with her own and Troy Ferrel had to move his graduation after party three times so Lillia could make it.

Lillia never planned to throw her weight around so much but the more times she got her own way the easier it became just to go with it. She knew that college might be very different, that she'd have to work for her status and so she resolved to enjoy ruling the little society of Brittlebush High, she was through with feeling guilty. To move on Lillia would put guilt and her concerns for other people's expectations in that locked box in her head where she filed away all the pity and the disappointment. When she was caught up in the planning of the next social event or how to get a cute guy to dump his girlfriend for her it was easy to push away that hollowness inside of her, to pretend she didn't see Jeremy's sad glances over at her and what she had become.

When the housing allocations for college came in Lillia was gratified to discover that she had been pre-selected for the exclusive Phi Gamma Theta sorority while Rose and Daisy were just in general dorms until rush week. Knowing that she had a place in college society already gave Lillia a boost, perhaps it was silly but while she knew that for lots of people college was a chance to start over, she was quite happy just to keep going as she was, she'd already had to start over once thanks to her accident!

Lillia graduated with acceptable grades, voted most likely to marry well and spent the summer perfecting her college wardrobe and lying out with Rose. There were a few parties but the charms of Lucky Palms were wearing thin for Lillia, it was the same people, the same drama and under it all those same gaps in her memory, those same questions she couldn't answer.

When moving day came she barely cried, despite the torrents from her parents. It felt like it was the right time to go, to find out who Lillia Monroe would be when you took her out of the town that had moulded the old her, where she felt her new behaviour disappointed the people around her. As she pulled out of the driveway behind the moving van which held her and her friends belongings she felt a thrill race through her. College was going to be fun.

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Find out how Lillia handles freshman year in Chapter 6 - Irresistible

The Monroe Legacy - G.4. Chapter 1 - Holding Court

Lillia Monroe stood completely still, all ten of her toes curled tightly against the concrete edge of the pool. It was completely silent except for the water's movement and even at 5am she could feel the heavy, chlorine scented air warm against her skin. Her best friend Daisy found the poolside too oppressive, often wondering aloud how Lillia bore the constant humidity. On bad days Lillia often wanted to comment that it was less oppressive than Daisy's company, but such an outburst would ruin the carefully constructed life-plan which was seeing her safely through high-school.

The fact was that swimming was the time when Lillia felt free. Her suit was far from glamorous, her carefully highlighted hair was stuffed inside a rubber cap and the water kept her apart from everyone and everything else. She didn't have to be anything other than herself when she swam, not a popular girl, not the heir to her family legacy, not a sister or a friend. Just her.

Glancing at the digital clock face on the wall she realised she'd been stood still daydreaming for the best part of two minutes. Or two laps as her coach would see it. Pressing her goggles into place she took a breath and dived in. An hour of this and then she'd go get ready to make nice for the rest of the school. It was time to face junior year.

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A month later

'Get a load of that senior girl in the awful dress' Rose giggled, pointing non too subtly at a freckled girl in what was clearly a cheap dress. As Daisy giggled, Lillia cringed inwardly, sometimes her friends were so shallow. Of course they saw the dress and the bad eyeshadow and not the way that the girl's date was gazing at her. Tugging absently at her hem Lillia thought that she'd trade her boutique dress and the meathead jock who was her date for a geeky sophomore to adore her in that way.

Increasingly she found Rose and Daisy's company less satisfying than those long ago days where they'd put on shows in the yard and make snow angels. They were judgemental, valued lipgloss above most things and seemed to be left completely unimpressed by life. Lillia envied the hysterical laughter that blew across from the drama table in the lunch hall, the team banter that passed her by in the swim team locker room. She'd paid more for her place in the Flowers than anyone would guess, but what was the alternative?

Lillia had always been quiet, always been a bit of an eccentric with her sports obsession and Eva's rebel influence. Without the Flowers she'd be the uninteresting athletic girl, made an easy target by the disappearance and pregnancy scandal of her big sister and her autistic brother. 

Perhaps if she was more like Casper and Eva then she'd be able to cope with that, fall back on her intelligence and fight the cruel remarks with cutting sarcasm or complete disinterest. But she'd never been like that, Lillia was the easy child, the one who quietly moulded herself to survive in a situation and true to form she'd melted down her personality and created a high school prima donna. 

Lillia had it all, if only it was all what she wanted....

The screech of the microphone disrupted the homecoming dance and her friends rose excitedly, dragging her with them to a spot conveniently close to the stairs up to the stage. Lillia plastered on a grin, Daisy was a great actress, she looked nervous and excited, even though all three of them knew how the vote would go. They'd decided at the beginning of the year, well Daisy had anyway. Rose would take the homecoming crown, Lillia Spring Fling Queen and Daisy would get Prom queen. They'd all solemnly sworn not to campaign against each other and as the most popular girls in school they had no reason to believe their plan wasn't going perfectly.

'And your Homecoming King iiiiisssssss.......... Jeremy Gilbert'

Silence greeted the announcement, everyone had expected Jace Conners, Rose's date to win it. Eventually a confused Jeremy made it up on stage, the kids outside the popular crowd finally realised that one of them had won and cheered and hollered as Jeremy smiled sheepishly. Lillia could sense Daisy standing stiffly beside her, and Rose's grip on her arm went from excited to slightly painful, for the first time something school related was not going as they'd planned it.

As the cheering died down to await the prom queen announcement Daisy turned to Rose and Lillia.

'You both did what I said right? No more nasty surprises?' Lillia replied in the affirmative and Rose nodded, her lips thin and her expression unreadable. It seemed that winning was really important to her and she paled as the announcer returned to the microphone.

'Your homecoming queen iiiiiiissssss........   LILLIA MONROE!

Lillia's heart stopped. This was bad. Turning to Rose she saw the hurt of perceived betrayal whilst Daisy looked..... furious.

'I didn't do this,' she tried to stay calm, but she could see her friends didn't believe her. 'Daisy I swear I didn't! But the crowd was pushing her up the stairs, cheering for her and all Lillia could do was go. As the crown was placed on her head she searched the crowd for Rose and found her nowhere, just the blank stare of Daisy burning into her.

As the dance floor cleared and the band started a slow song for the homecoming court to have their dance Lillia couldn't even look at Jeremy, couldn't enjoy the long imagined sensation of his hands on her waist. The second the song was over she rushed away, searching for her friends and finding them nowhere. Eventually she tracked down someone who had seen them leaving with their dates in the limo they'd shared. Not knowing what to do, Lillia called her mom for a lift, holding back the tears until she got to her room, realising after she'd cried her makeup off that she still had her crown on.      

She'd cried because there was no way Daisy was going to believe that she hadn't planned it, the Jeremy thing was one coincidence too many, and she'd seen how her friend treated people who messed up her plans. Rose would get over it, her cousin was always quick to throw a fit and equally quick to forgive, as long as Daisy let her.

But now Lillia was the one with the crown, the one the school had voted queen. People followed Daisy because they were scared but they had voted for Lillia because they liked her. And Lillia wasn't scared of Daisy anymore. She didn't have to follow Daisy, to accept her judgement, she could be the leader and there would be nothing her friend could do about it, there were plenty of girls who'd love to take her place at Lillia's side. A new era was coming for the Flowers and Daisy could like it or leave.

Lillia touched up her makeup and dragged her brother out  of his room to take a picture.

She touched it up until she looked perfect and posted it to her profile and the Brittlebush homepage.

"There's a new queen in town! See ya in the cafeteria biatches".

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Will Lillia succeed in taking control of the Flowers?

Read Chapter Two - Sink or Swim