The Monroe Legacy - G.4. Chapter 9 - No More Hiding

Once the snow melted it was easy to forget it had happened, within a week all signs that it had ever been were gone and life moved on as normal. Lillia half-hoped that her encounter with Noki had just been the result of the winter madness but she soon started seeing him around campus and knew that it wasn't the case. 

Somehow it was a month before Rose realised he was there, perhaps he had started out in another social circle to them but soon enough, after a big football game which ASU won in style, he appeared at their house for the victory party. Eyes skating across Lillia without pause he focused on Rose whose jaw had dropped and face had blanched even as she hung round the neck of her latest jock boyfriend. He strode across and said something quietly to the pair before leading Rose off to a nearby bedroom and closing the door behind them.

Lillia was staggered, even for Rose that was slutty and even for Noki that was fast! She tried not to watch the door for their reappearance wishing for once that she was drunk and could just put it aside and party. Ever since the start of the year she'd been successfully avoiding the shoddy choices that alcohol seemed to inspire her to make but right now a warm flat beer and a night of frivolity seemed pretty appealing.

A few minutes later Rose and Noki emerged, neither of them bearing any signs of a passionate moment, in fact they seemed... almost.... friendly?

As her cousin made her way over Lillia tried to play it cool, not sure what might have been said or how much she was supposed to know about his presence on campus.

'So Anoki transferred to ASU', Rose began, her nonchalant tone confirming that he hadn't given Lillia away.

Lillia shrugged, 'Oh really? It seems like kind of a random move. Does that mean he wants you back?'

It was Rose's turn to shrug, 'I think we're both in a different place now, I actually really like Mugsy,' she gestured over at the guy waiting for her patiently but a little worriedly. 'Besides I don't think he wants me back either, he just wanted to apologise for the way he handled the thing between us. I was pretty surprised to be honest but he said he'd met someone who made him see things differently and he knew he needed to make things right with us. Whatever I guess! I wonder who this mystery person is though, I never thought Noki was capable of being anything less than totally self-centred!'

With this Rose excused herself and made her way over to Mugsy. As she laced her arms around his waist Lillia saw relief etched on all of his features, despite all the drama this guy cared a lot for her cousin and as much as she wanted to be happy for her, Lillia was jealous.

She skirted the edges of the party, resisting the urge to drown her sorrows and dwelling on Rose's words. She was impressed that Noki had apologised, relieved that he hadn't given her secret away and curious as to who it was that had inspired him to try to change. A little voice in Lillia's head wondered if it might of been her but she ignored it, it was impossible. Their little encounter would barely have registered in the midst of his string of conquests and they were too alike to learn from each other. Besides she didn't care what he did or didn't think anymore. Right?

The night wore on and Rose and Mugsy were glued together on the dancefloor as Lillia sipped her soda only to spit it out at the sight of Daisy, dressed in her sluttiest dress whispering something in a smirking Noki's ear with her eyes fixed triumphantly on Lillia. Enough was enough and Lillia turned without reacting and retreated to her bedroom, she knew how that situation ended and she didn't need to see it happen.

The next day at breakfast Lillia wasn't surprised when Daisy came and sat beside her, the girl never missed an opportunity to revel in the discomfort of others.

'Quite a party last night right?' She giggled.

Lillia shrugged, 'I guess. I was kinda tired to be honest, off in my own world.'

 Daisy looked disappointed for a moment before finding another path of attack, 'That's a shame, there were some absolute babes there, my world sure got rocked!'

'Lucky you,' Lillia's tone was flat and disinterested as she stared fixedly at her plate.

But Daisy was never one to let it go! 'Yeah, Anoki sure is a stud, but then I don't need to tell you guys that do I!'

Lillia was determined not to react but couldn't stop the blush from spreading across her cheeks. Sensing victory Daisy took a breath to deliver a killing blow when the scrape of a chair caused her to pause and another player entered the ring.

'I don't know what you'd know about my talents Daisy!' Noki's drawl had a hard edge to it and it was Daisy's turn to blush. 'Bitchy isn't exactly my type as I told you on the dance floor last night.'

Daisy looked as if she'd been hit, opening and shutting her mouth she looked about the table for someone to come to her aid and when she saw only people trying not to laugh at her she pushed her chair back and rushed out of the room.

'That was mean', Lillia muttered trying to keep the glee she felt at Daisy finally getting a taste of her own poisonous medicine off her face.

'Daisy's mean!' was Noki's only response, 'besides I wouldn't want anyone here thinking that I spent the night anywhere other than on your ridiculously uncomfortable sofa.  I think whoever deigned that thing was a masochist.'

As the atmosphere in the dining room settled back down to the usual post-party banter Lillia couldn't help glancing across at Noki from under her eyelashes. Perhaps she was imagining things but she could have sworn that he'd looked right at her when he'd said "anyone here". It sounded almost like he wanted her to know the truth.

But that was the kind of wishful thinking that would get her in trouble, the kind she had sworn to leave behind her. As soon as she was finish she'd with her waffles Lillia retreated out of the danger zone and up to the safe space that was her room but even her little sanctuary seemed too risky with Noki in the house. Grabbing her purse Lillia rushed out for a walk to clear her head.

Lost in her own thoughts she paid no attention to where she was going, just remembering to put one foot in front of another was as much as she could do. Her head was filled with unanswered questions, what might Daisy do to get back at them after they'd embarrassed her? That small victory at breakfast was sure to cost them dearly once she'd recovered from the embarrassment. Might now be the right time to tell Rose, if she was happy with Mugsy that could soften the blow? Would she even get the chance if Daisy decided to make good on her threat?

It felt as if the last few months of buried worries had all been building up to this moment and Lillia was beginning to realise that she might have left it too late to fix things. She'd been telling herself that she was different to before, that she had changed for the better but she hadn't actually made anything right. If she had been honest then Daisy wouldn't have any ammunition, perhaps she would have lost Rose but it could have been decided between the two of them. Even Noki had had the balls to apologise for his mistakes, while she'd just tried to pretend they were over with.

The more she thought of it the clearer it was. Those miserable few months had not really been about being a better person, Lillia had just been punishing herself as if somehow that would wipe the slate clean. But it hadn't made her feel any better because she hadn't sucked out the poisonous secret at the root of it all, she'd held on to the lie and the betrayal, concealing it behind a falsely sweet demeanour and hating herself for it. Lillia might have changed but not for the better, now instead of hurting others she was just lying to them and hurting herself.

It had to stop.

Pulling out her phone she fired off a text to Rose, asking if they could talk alone that evening and as she pressed send she felt light with relief that it would soon be over.

Glancing around to see where her aimless wander had landed her she saw yellow up ahead and realised she'd was in the road where Noki lived. The drive was empty but as she turned to go home she heard an engine approaching. Ignoring her instinct to duck into the bushes in case it was Noki she continued to walk steadily into the blinding lights of the oncoming car. She was done with hiding from her demons.

The car slowed beside her and Noki wound down his window, his brows tight with confusion.

'Lillia? How'd you get all the way over here?'

Lillia shrugged, 'I walked, I needed some air.'

Noki turned off the engine and nodded, getting out of the car.

'I know that feeling. Look I know I'm not your favourite person but I'd really like to talk to you. I looked for you after breakfast but you'd gone. I'm not going to try anything, I just... Well I'd just like to sort things out between us so we can maybe be friends. I don't know if you remember but before that night we used to have fun talking? I'd like that back.'

The mix of emotions in his voice echoed those which had been swirling in Lillia's head just minutes before. There was hope, hesitation and an edge of desperation. Perhaps she wasn't the only one trying to figure things out.

For an answer Lillia waked around and got in the passenger seat.

'I think a conversation is long overdue.'

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Read on now with Chapter 10 - Shame, Blame and Change

The Monroe Legacy - G.4 Chapter 8 - Bad Penny

Lillia's arrival at the sorority for her sophomore year was marked by a typical house party. The guys postured and pulled pranks, girls screamed, smiled plastic smiles and fluttered their fake lashes. After a summer around her laid back family Lillia was painfully aware of how shallow and meaningless it all was. While Rose threw herself back into the social scene with relish, Lillia tipped out the beer someone had passed her and refilled her solo cup with water.

The evening dragged by, she sipped her water, fended of a few over-eager lads and made small talk with all her friends. They were all so similar, so predictably boring. She found herself fighting to keep her mind off Noki.

If he was here he would have sought her out to mock the whole process, pointing out all the stupid proceedings and disasters about to happen. She would have laughed and vehemently rejected his pessimism whilst secretly agreeing with him. His ability to be part of a world while relentlessly criticising it was fascinating. It was one of the reasons she had fall.... No. That was the past and she wouldn't repeat those mistakes even in her mind. Lillia blushed recalling her last college party and how it had ended.

'Ooh! Who are you daydreaming about?!'

A familiar and unwelcome voice brought Lillia back into the room.

'Oh hi Daisy!', she plastered on a fake smile as she hugged her friend gingerly. The two had drifted apart since college began with Lillia being accepted by sorority royalty and Daisy never making out if the ranks of the bitchy wannabes. As the hug broke apart Lillia caught a glint of something in her friends eye, a smugness she hadn't seen since Daisy had run the high school popular crowd.

'So who were you thinking of? Brad? Mugsy?' Daisy's tone was innocent but the glint was still in her eye.

Lillia shrugged. 'Nobody in particular, it's just exciting to be back I guess.' She tried to walk away but Daisy wasn't done.

'Hmmm. If you say so... Though I'm not sure that just being back is reason to blush as much as you were doing.' For a moment it looked as the Daisy was going to keep on pushing but she abruptly changed tack.

'So what did you and Rose get up to this summer while I was in Maui?'

Relieved Lillia replied, 'Oh not much, the beach, a few clubs, the mall, movies, talking. You know how Lucky Palms is.'

'Oh I sure do! So you talked a lot. I expect it took Rosie a while to get over Noki.... Strange how months of happiness can be washed away so fast.'

Lillia stiffened. She didn't want to discuss that. 'Yes, Rose took it hard, it was a shock that it fell apart so quickly.'

'So fast.' Daisy leaned in with a wicked smile, 'In fact it only took seven minutes.'

As Daisy stepped back there was triumph written all over her face. Lillia's speechless horror had told her everything she needed to know and with one last smug smile she melted back into the crowd.

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For the next few weeks Lillia spent her days in a state of near-constant panic. Expecting Daisy to have told Rose she spent long hours in the library, avoiding the house wherever possible in the hope that her cousin might have at least calmed down a little before the inevitable confrontation. But the storm never hit and as the term got going Lillia gradually began to let her guard down. With Rose's time being divided between her many friends all over campus the two had drifted apart again which helped ease the guilty twinge that she couldn't ignore when they were together.

Months passed in a generic blur, broken up by moments of excitement (the annual Toga party) and stress (exams). Christmas came and went in a cinnamon scented haze and Lillia had just settled back into classes when the storm came. It was almost unheard of, on the edge of impossibility but that was the year that it snowed in Arizona! It might as well have been the apocalypse, classes were cancelled, girls cried and huddled in their rooms with cocoa and movies, the normal world of college just stopped for a week.

Lillia thought it was magical and while her sorority sisters huddled in the house she pulled on her coat and boots and explored the strangely alien frozen world that campus had become. The people who ventured out seemed different to the usual college types, their big coats, cold related small talk and red noses made it feel a friendlier place, more like a community than the normal set up of rigid cliques. To Lillia the whole college felt like new with all the reminders of stupid things she had done hidden under a clean white blanket. It felt like anything could happen, which is perhaps why the unthinkable did.

She had ventured out into the residential area behind the stadium and discovered a funny little house, painted all in yellow that stood out sharply in the white world. It seemed abandoned so she snuck up and peeked in the window, amused to discover that the interior was all be yellow too! As she stepped back she collided with something warm and solid, someone had come up behind her and caught her peeping.

Embarrassed Lillia muttered an apology and turned to leave without even looking whoever it was in the face. A hand on her sleeve made her stiffen but it was the familiar voice which really stopped her in her tracks.

'What a nice surprise!' His tone was jovial but it still did that dangerous brain muddling thing to her.

'Uh- oh.... Um....' was all she managed until his charming grin at her tongue-tiedness reminded her why she wasn't friends with him. Lillia took a steadying breath and began to walk away.

'Good bye Noki' was her only communication.

But he didn't get the hint, following her as she strode purposefully down the drive.

'Wait! Lillia! Can we talk?' Noki's long stride easily matched her own, drifting closer as the undeniable electricity between them rose back to the surface. But she was different now so she kept walking, raising her hand as he tried to step closer to her than she was comfortable with.

'There's nothing to talk about. Nothing at all. What are you even doing here? Go back to Texas!' As calm as Lillia was trying to stay she couldn't keep the edge of panic out of her voice. She needed for him, her biggest mistake, to be far away. But here he was, with a few miles of her home, he needed to go back and fast before he could break her defences back down or tell anyone what they had done.

But life had other plans and once again the stars were not aligned in Lillia's favour.

'This is where I live now,' Noki gestured back at the yellow house his tone had lost some of it's cockiness, 'I... I transferred schools. It's a long story, if you'll stop running away then I'll tell you the whole damn thing.'

For a moment Lillia paused! she could hear something in his voice she hadn't heard before. He sounded almost... Vulnerable. She shook herself. It didn't matter. She looked him squarely in the face, ignoring the hopefulness of his expression and spoke firmly, as much for herself as for him.

'I'm sorry but I can't, won't stay. Find another friend,' and repeating her earlier farewell she turned and left.

This time he didn't follow her.

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Read on in Chapter 9 - No More Hiding

The Monroe Legacy - G.4. Chapter 6 - Irresistible

College, thought Lillia Monroe as she lay slightly hungover in bed one Saturday morning, was almost exactly like high school expect everyone was drunker. The same cliques existed, the same girls hooked up with the same guys, there were just no parents and more parties. At first, this familiarity was kind of a relief, Lillia slid easily into sorority life making a new group of friends which left her only mildly irritated by Daisy and Rose’s successful pledges.

The first semester flew by in a whirl, Lillia studied, dated and played her way to the top of the college social scene, her presence and perfect smile the mark of approval every fraternity hoped its party would earn. At first this was a great novelty but as her first year wore on Lillia began to feel that it was all rather meaningless. She was good in athletics but never going to be the best, she would pass all her courses but she wouldn’t be top and she could catch the most eligible guys at the school, but she couldn’t make herself fall for them.

As she heard the first sounds of life from the rest of the house she tried to summon the energy to get out of bed and seize the day, Carpe Diem, as her father was fond of saying when she was being lazy as a teen. And she really did try to make him proud. Lillia reminded herself daily as she put on her makeup how lucky she was, she was alive, pretty, popular and wealthy enough that money was never a concern – what excuse did she have to be miserable?

 But this morning was one of those mornings that wouldn’t be seized. Most days the dissatisfaction at her seemingly charmed life could be pushed down, Lillia was practiced at ignoring the tiny prickles of sadness that broke through her glossy, happy surface. Today the hurt seemed sharper and she had just snuggled back into her duvet when he burst through her door.

The stranger in her room was tall, broad, half naked and clearly still drunk. When she finally pulled her eyes away from his bronzed chest Lillia found the guy was staring at her with an amused smirk before drawling,

‘Hey gorgeous…like what you see?’

Lillia felt a hot flush burn her cheeks, nobody had ever had quite such an effect on her before, let alone presumed to speak to her with such obvious innuendo. Before she could think of a witty response Rose came barrelling in, her hair wild and also half-dressed.

‘Hey babe – did you get the wrong room?’ she said, padding over and wrapping her arm around the guys waist. ‘Lil this is Noki, Noki this is my cousin Lillia.’

Lillia’s scrambled brain took a moment to add all of the information up and adjust. Rose had been seeing a guy from the University of Texas for a couple of months now, the son of an infamous oil baron with something of a playboy reputation and now he was standing in Lillia’s room, a dangerous glint in his eye and looking pretty uninterested in the half naked girl draped all over him.

God he was beatif…no! Lillia mentally smacked herself, wondering what crazy facial expressions she must be making. Rose wasn’t just some girl, she was family and family absolutely do not have thoughts like those Lillia was trying to crush in to non-existence. 

Lillia was so engaged keeping her thoughts pure and her face neutral that she didn’t hear what else was said, only really processing that the couple in front of her were leaving. Just when she thought she had herself under control Noki turned around and winked, his eyes trailing lazily over what she now realised was a pretty flimsy nightdress.

‘I’ll see you around, Lily’ he said as the door began to swing closed/

Reflexively she called after him, ‘It’s LILLIA’, before realising that she shouldn't really care and collapsing back on her bed in defeat.

At least the interruption seemed to have shaken off her melancholy for the day.

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The rest of the school year passed pretty uneventfully, Lillia decided not to date until after finals, the run in with Rose's date giving her faith that when the right guy came along she would feel something more than the vague interest which had sustained her relationships to date. She studied harder than she ever had before, partially as a result of her realisation that she wouldn't be able to make a living as a sportswoman but also, and she was ashamed to admit it, to avoid Noki who seemed to be at their house more than anyone who went to school in Texas should be.

Noki,or Anoki as she had discovered his full name was, seemed to delight in making Lillia uncomfortable. Where usually she could glide through a social situation she found that with him in the room she often fumbled. He was quick to mock her, a sharp intelligence clearly underlying his snobby jock exterior, he never fawned over her as the other guys tended to and he treated her, and indeed the whole world, as if they were something of a joke to him.

Lillia's complaints to Rose that having Noki around so much was less than a delight fell on deaf ears. Her cousin might insist that they were casual, that neither of them wanted a commitment and that it was no big deal but her eyes told Lillia that she was infatuated with the guy and she always sprung to his defence.

At first Lillia thought that perhaps the distance that this opened up between her and Rose would be a good thing, she wouldn't have to deal with Noki so much but if anything the opposite was true. As term wound down and lectures gave way to parties and play he seemed to seek her out to continue his teasing.

Mostly Lillia could just toss her hair and go off with the nearest group of girlfriends or admirers whose steady admiration would smooth her ruffled feathers but their familiar company always felt somehow lacking after she had crossed swords with Noki, he was the only person she knew who would stand up to her. He was infuriating. He was enticing.

For maybe the first time in her life Lillia Monroe wasn't in control of the situation or of her emotions. The arms length that she kept everyone at didn't seem like enough with Noki, he pushed her buttons and every time she did the right thing and turned away from what seemed almost like flirting he would outmanoeuvre her and suck her back in. Lillia wasn't stupid, she'd seen the movies, read the books and she knew what kind of a guy he was, her head made all the right choices but her heart seemed to be pushing her towards a dangerous place.

It was strange really that it took her cousins bad-news sometimes-boyfriend to show Lillia what she had been doing for years. She'd never faltered in her pursuit of a guy before, even if was a passing fancy she had forged on with total disregard for his relationship status but seeing how tangled up in Noki Rose was, seeing how much his carelessness hurt someone she cared about stopped Lillia in her tracks. She had been a Noki to so many people, playing with their desires and fears to suit herself, keeping them guessing and casting them off when they began to bore her.

All of this time Lillia's harmless fun had only really been harmless to her, her place at the top had never been muddied by the messes she made. Looking at who she had become Lillia felt ashamed, she doubted that the fact she had never intended to hurt anyone absolved her of blame, if anything her obliviousness had made it worse, her cruelty had been careless and instinctive. It was ironic really that it took being exposed to a guy like Noki, took falling for someone who she could never respect and never have, to jolt Lillia out of her two-year stupor.

Lillia was surprised by the vividness of the emotions she felt, she was used to the dullness of her down days and the seething, frustrated pressure of her temper. The shame at who she had been, the excitement of the idea of Noki and the disappointing reality of the situation were like bright spots of spilled paint on a black and white picture. For the first time in a long time Lillia looked in the mirror and saw more than a familiar face, it wasn't all pretty but it was real.

Perhaps it would have been better if she had stayed numb for longer, perhaps the old Lillia would have considered herself above the Gamma bonfire party. She definitely wouldn't have done that last keg stand or taken that dare. 

The old Lillia might have been cold but she had been sensible and her control over her life had been absolute. She wouldn't have allowed her cousin to go home alone after a screaming drunken row with her sort of boyfriend when he told her it was over, she definitely wouldn't have felt guilty about her secret thrill at this news. She wouldn't have dropped her guard at a party, wouldn't have danced so freely, laughed so hard or dipped her toes in the hot tub (not even a whole Keg of beer could have got her all the way in the water.)

Most of all the old Lillia would never have played seven minutes in heaven with a bottle of tequila and the boy her cousin was in love with. 

When he kissed her she wouldn't have kissed him back. 

The feel of his hands pulling her to him and claiming his prize would have been unthinkable. 

It wouldn't have thrilled her.

The old Lillia would never have been found curled up and crying in the bathroom hating herself for what she had done, hating herself for ruining everything. Hating herself for loving him.

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Read Chapter 7 - Guilty Secret 

The Monroe Legacy - G. 4. Chapter 5 - Missing Pieces

'Tia?' Lillia repeated dumbly, her mind struggling to understand what Casper was saying.

The girl stepped out from behind Casper and extended a hand towards Lillia,

'Well my actual name is Talia but most people call me Tia. Nice to finally meet you'.

Lillia finally let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding. It was all just a big conincidence then, for a second she had thought her brother had either gone mad or that something utterly impossible had happened. She looked at a Talia again and noted that she was an unusual looking girl, her purple hair was well dyed, barely any root showing and her eyes were so dark they had to be contacts! Her outfit was.... Interesting and for a second reminded Lillia of something she couldn't quite put a finger on. As she puzzled to think what it might be she realised Casper was speaking again, his voice impassioned.

'....met Tia at space camp and felt like I knew who she was. She felt the same though we'd never met before and we spent more and more time together, each feeling like we already knew the other person.' Tia nodded in agreement, unconsciously moving closer to Casper as he continued.

'After the first couple weeks I decided to risk telling her about my imaginary Tia, about the similarities they shared, about how well she seemed to understand me. I fully expected her to laugh in my face but instead she told me that she had an imaginary friend too, only hers was called Cas and that it was kinda like me, introverted and logical when she needed someone to reason with her. At first it just seemed like a really freaky coincidence butt we've talked a lot about it and it kinda makes sense.'

At this Lillia cocked an eyebrow, this all sounded pretty weird to her.

'How does it make sense?'

Tia stepped in, her tone the quietly passionate, totally logical one that Lillia had heard Casper use a thousand times.

'Casper and I are both highly intelligent humans with slightly dysfunctional personalities. Casper has Aspergers, he doesn't like change or people but needs somebody to talk through his theories with, someone of equal intelligence who can see the connections in areas he finds confusing. I have ADHD so I need somebody who focuses me, who can make me understand the minute details when my hormones are telling me to rush onto the next project. We both grew up with those things missing and so we invented somebody who had what we lacked.'

Lillia nodded, that did sound kinda plausible.

'With any made up character there's a probability of there being someone in the world who shares most of that imagined personality. Casper and I, our creations were as intelligent as we were and because they belonged to a relatively small percentile of the population, it follows that if such a person existed there was a higher probability that we would cross paths. As we did.'

Tia paused and took Casper's hand, both of them looking expectantly at Lillia who was still processing. It wasn't the most ridiculous theory she'd ever heard but it was still pretty weird if it held any truth. But she could see her brother believed it absolutely, there was a light in his eyes she had never seen there before.

'That still doesn't make total sense to me,' Lillia began, hating seeing his shoulders begin to slump, 'but I'm going to give you geniuses the benefit of the doubt. I just have a couple of questions.'

Casper nodded enthusiastically,

'Anything!' he said.

'Firstly the name thing... That's freaky. What happened there? And secondly why is Tia hiding in your room Casper?'

Her brother shuffled his feet awkwardly.

'The name thing is a coincidence and isn't quite as spooky as it sounds. Tia is just a nickname and her imaginary friend Cas was short for Cassy and was a girl. But it is still a bit odd. As for the hiding thing, that's what we were debating when we woke you.

Tia lives with her aunt who has fostered her since she was a kid. Her aunt doesn't get that Tia is smart and could have a future so she wants Tia to drop out of school and go clean hotels with her. At least that's what she wants when she's sober.'

Lillia looked across and saw in Tia a combination of fear and determination. Her bright eyes and clenched jaw showed that she would fight while her folded arms gave her the posture of a kid who wasn't sure they had done the right thing.

'I was going to run away after Space Camp, I got in on a scholarship and told my aunt I was visiting a friend,' Tia explained. 'I'm 16, I'm old enough and I'd rather work in a diner and do night school than work with my aunt and have her take "rent" and "taxes" out of my pay before I see a penny. Casper persuaded me to come with him instead and I'm glad I did but it feels wrong lying to your parents.

I was trying to explain I should leave and take care of myself, Casper was saying I should stay and that nobody needed to know. It's a mess' Tia finished lamely.

Lillia just nodded, her brain whirling with new and confusing information and unable to find the right thing to say to the two hopeful teenagers who stood before her, their new companionship on the line. In the end Lillia knew they all needed a little time.

'It's late. We're all tired. Don't do anything dramatic and in the morning we'll make a plan'.

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The morning came and it was clear to Lillia what needed to be done. Tia was right, She couldn't keep living in the shadows, especially when there was a good chance that Gray and Rachel would understand and want to support Casper's friend.

Lillia let Tia pick out some clothes from her wardrobe, the poor girl had been stuck with the oddments in Casper's old costume chest and then they all went to tell Gray and Rachel the truth. Lillia sat quietly, nodding encouragingly when a Casper looked over for support. Hearing the story for a second time it all made more sense though she did notice a couple of shifty glances between Tia and Casper, like they were leaving something out.

Gray and Rachel reacted in much the same way that Lillia had, disbelief followed by a slow acceptance of the story. They then left to talk it over leaving two anxious teenagers and an observer behind.

If Lillia had had any doubts as to Casper's attachment to Tia. It was now stripped away, he sat close to her, his arm protectively around her shoulders and stroked her hair. Seeing such a natural display of affection from her usually aloof brother made Lillia's heart hurt. Partly she was happy for him but she was also jealous, she had once had that but not only was it lost, she couldn't even remember what it felt to be loved so fiercely.

When the adults eventually returned it was good news for the young couple. Tia could stay as long as she told her aunt where she was, attended school and kept to their rules. She was to sleep in Lillia's old room and contribute to her costs only by doing her share of the chores.

Lillia crept out as they began discussing the details, unwilling to spoil their happiness with her sad moment. Instead she opened up her laptop and started planning her 18th birthday, how best should high school royalty celebrate their big birthday?

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Those last months of high school flew by at an alarming pace, change looming unstoppable on the horizon. The closer college got the tetchier Lillia became, taking out her frustration at her prospects and her present position on anyone who got too close to her. She dated and dumped every eligible and attractive guy in the senior class, popularity being her main qualifier and found every one of them, no matter how sweet and attentive, left her cold. Casper and Tia's blossoming romance haunted her at home and she took to spending her time either at the gym or the mall, remaking herself over and over and hoping to rediscover some of what she had lost.

Her eighteenth birthday went off with a bang, her pink pajama party would go down in the Brittlebush student history as one of the most memorable nights of the decade. The food and drink were laid on by Gray and Rachel to lavish praise, perhaps made more effusive by the copious quantities of booze somebody had laced the iced tea with. 

Lillia had provided matching pjs for her special guests, marking out the elite from the crowd which only made the screaming match between Daisy and Rose after the former made a drunken pass at the latter's boyfriend more entertaining for the masses.

The fall-out left Lillia even more firmly at the top of the food chain and as finals tension mounted the power manifested in various ways. Brooke found herself permanently banished from the popular crowd after a thoughtless comment about an autistic boy in her year, Daisy had to exchange her prom dress twice when Lillia decided it clashed with her own and Troy Ferrel had to move his graduation after party three times so Lillia could make it.

Lillia never planned to throw her weight around so much but the more times she got her own way the easier it became just to go with it. She knew that college might be very different, that she'd have to work for her status and so she resolved to enjoy ruling the little society of Brittlebush High, she was through with feeling guilty. To move on Lillia would put guilt and her concerns for other people's expectations in that locked box in her head where she filed away all the pity and the disappointment. When she was caught up in the planning of the next social event or how to get a cute guy to dump his girlfriend for her it was easy to push away that hollowness inside of her, to pretend she didn't see Jeremy's sad glances over at her and what she had become.

When the housing allocations for college came in Lillia was gratified to discover that she had been pre-selected for the exclusive Phi Gamma Theta sorority while Rose and Daisy were just in general dorms until rush week. Knowing that she had a place in college society already gave Lillia a boost, perhaps it was silly but while she knew that for lots of people college was a chance to start over, she was quite happy just to keep going as she was, she'd already had to start over once thanks to her accident!

Lillia graduated with acceptable grades, voted most likely to marry well and spent the summer perfecting her college wardrobe and lying out with Rose. There were a few parties but the charms of Lucky Palms were wearing thin for Lillia, it was the same people, the same drama and under it all those same gaps in her memory, those same questions she couldn't answer.

When moving day came she barely cried, despite the torrents from her parents. It felt like it was the right time to go, to find out who Lillia Monroe would be when you took her out of the town that had moulded the old her, where she felt her new behaviour disappointed the people around her. As she pulled out of the driveway behind the moving van which held her and her friends belongings she felt a thrill race through her. College was going to be fun.

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Find out how Lillia handles freshman year in Chapter 6 - Irresistible