The Monroe Legacy - G.4 Chapter 4 - Facade and Failure

Sorry.

The most overused, insincere word in the English language thought Lillia Monroe. All summer everybody had been "sorry" for what had happened to her. Their families were sorry, their churches were sorry and praying for her, she was sure even their damn pets would be apologetic if they could only verbalise it.

Even the people who didn't say the word said it with their faces. It was infuriating. Perhaps it was the brain damage making her irritable but it sure felt as if the people around her weren't helping. She couldn't even stand to be around Jeremy. They had barely lasted a month after her leaving hospital, he had been so considerate, too considerate even, and she would catch him looking at her hopefully, waiting for her to somehow rediscover six months worth of feelings that would match his own. 

At first she'd tried to make it happen, he had saved her life and she had always had a crush on him, but as the weeks dragged by the affection in his gaze became mixed with pity and frustration and she'd ended it. Lillia fended off his pleas for time with the truth, that she didn't know she was so she couldn't be anything to anyone else, hardening herself to his desperation, being cruel to be kind.

As the beginning of the school year approached Lillia began to dread the return to Brittlebush, she had been their queen and now everyone was bound to just feel sorry for her instead. A week before school started she decided that she just couldn't stand the idea, so what if she'd had six months out and lost the six months before that. She knew how to make nice and she definitely knew how to rule a situation, take over and nobody would dare pity her.

Looking in her mirror the morning of the first day of senior year Lillia narrowed her eyes at her reflection. No more Miss Congeniality.

When she stepped out of her new car in the car park she felt a ripple of surprise roll around the parking lot, it wasn't like her to show up without her back-up girls. But that was the old Lillia, throwing her bag on she strode towards the school, head held high and completely ignored the sea of confused faces which parted before her.

When she arrived at the place she knew her friends would be waiting she zoned straight in on Daisy who was sitting on the table in the middle, holding court. Not hesitating she breezed over and tapped her in the shoulder. Daisy looked up and her eyes widened.

'Thanks for keeping my seat warm Dais, but I'm back now' Lillia announced, her joking tone barely masking the sharp threat. She pushed Daisy's books to one side and dumped her own in place, settling in the spot Daisy somewhat dazedly stood up from.

'So what did I miss?' She asked the dumbfounded circle of jocks and girls which now surrounded her. It took a moment but one by one the confusion passed and they slipped back into the old way, starting to chatter about the parties and the break ups she had missed.

Lillia smiled. Now let them feel sorry for her.

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Three envelopes lay on the table in the careers councillor's office, two skinny and one fat. Lillia's throat was dry. This was the only moment of senior year that she hadn't been able to control, none of the manipulation, the mind games or her untouchable status as the bitch queen of the senior class would help her. She'd worked hard for her pass grades, she'd trained hard for an athletic scholarship now that swimming was off the table and it looked like only one of her three options thought she had done enough.

Lillia hoped it was Stanford. The idea of it was intoxicating, her sport specialism making up for her average grades or so she hoped. Better yet it a world away, California was a whole other world where nobody could possibly know about her accident, about the old her.

The councillor entered and sat down, sliding the fat envelope towards her. 

'Congratulations Miss Monroe, you're going to college!'

Holding her breath Lillia slid the welcome packet out of the envelope.

Welcome to the University of Arizona!

The rest of the letter was a blur, those five words seeming to throb on the page as disappointment surged through Lillia's body. Far from the fresh start she'd dreamed of, she'd be only six hours away with Daisy and Rose for company.

Once again she cursed the accident, she had had her pick of swimming schools but despite her dedication to athletics this year she knew it had been too long since she had been competitive in the highest level. If she was being honest with herself Lillia knew she was lucky to even make Arizona, that her transcript had changed so much since they first showed their interest.

At the back of her mind a little voice mocked her, sounding kind of like Daisy, it told her that Arizona was all she was ever good enough for and she tried to mute it.  It didn't matter how she looked at it, that accident had stolen not only a chunk of her past but also her ability to choose her future. It seemed as if Lillia was doomed to keep following this path that was laid out before her, walking with the Flowers from one small pond to another, making waves and changing nothing.

Lillia tried to put on a brave face when she told her parents the "great" news and was glad she had.  Rachel dissolved at once in to tears whilst even Gray looked a little wet around the eyes. It seemed that despite the positivity they had tried to surround her with they had been as worried as she had that her future might have been spoiled by the accident and her time out.

The next evening they took her out to a special surprise dinner, dragging Casper out or his room where he had been shut in since his return from space camp the week before, to eat in the half built space of their new restaurant. It was the first time Lillia had seen it and she knew at once it was bound to be a hit. The rustic wood and private booths were set off perfectly by the light modern twists her father loved and she knew the food would be just as great.

Gray took Rachel's hand and Lillia saw that look pass between them that she'd always envied, it was nothing more than a glance but whenever she caught it she could see them both relax, it was as if they could in an instant remind one another of their love, history and the security they had together.

Gray raised his glass.

'Kids, we brought you here tonight to celebrate Lillia's college acceptance but also because we wanted you to see the place. I know that life hasn't been easy on either of you, that perhaps you're not always sure if it's going to get better.

This restaurant is proof that it will.

Your mother and I dreamed of owning our own place before we even met, it was one of the first things we shared. Then we got to share you which was better still. Life got hard, as it seemed to do unfairly often and we sold what we thought was our dream restaurant to help us protect a bigger dream. Our family. At that point we thought it was over, that we had enough and more than we ever deserved.

And we did. For all the heartache and drama we wouldn't have swapped our time with you for the best restaurant in the world. Until suddenly we didn't have to. A moment arrived and suddenly it was the right time, the right place and the right dream. 

I'm rambling now and I'm sure you want to eat but what I'm trying to say is this. Perhaps life seems to be taking turns for the worst, perhaps your plans for the future have been crushed and you feel lost. But you will find a way. Maybe not the way you planned and certainly not at the moment you expected but keep trying, keep hoping and before you know it you'll be living a dream you never even expected to come true.'

Sitting down they all drank, Rachel's eyes passing over Lillia as she stared into her glass and Casper looking unusually jubilant.

They passed a pleasant evening, despite Casper's repeated requests that they hurry home and meandered back to the house. Later that night when everyone was in bed, Lillia lay on top of the covers and wondered if her dad was right. She felt as if she couldn't even be sure what she wanted, that those missing six months seemed to have seen a lot change and that she hated the idea of never knowing who that Lillia was and what she had dreamed of.

As she worried she heard a raised voice from down the hall and then a frantic shushing. Lillia sat up and listened. At first she wondered if it was her parents but the muffled sounds seemed to be coming from the wrong side of the house. Who was Casper yelling at?

Her worries forgotten Lillia got up and crept down the hall, following the hushed conversation that she was now sure was coming from Casper's room. As she reached his door she for one moment panicked that perhaps it was an intruder but even as she dismissed that idea her momentum carried her into view of his door.

Peeking through the glass she saw Casper in heated conversation with..... A girl?

Surprise rocked through Lillia, she couldn't believe Casper had a girl in his room. A girl with purple hair no less!

Unable to hold back her curiosity she quietly opened the door and stepped inside. The girl's eyes widening as she saw her and Casper spinning round, panic etched across his features.

'Lillia!' He exclaimed, his eyes wide and begging her not to make a noise, 'Don't tell mom and dad?'

Lillia gave a tiny chuckle at her brother's reflexive reaction but reigned it in when she saw the girl's shoulders slump. Casper noticed to and turned back to her,

'Please try to understand! I'm not ashamed of you I just don't want you to have to leave! They might not understand' his tone had gone soft and pleading and Lillia could tell that whoever this strange girl was her brother cared a lot about her. Knowing how hard it was for him to form attachments she felt a surge of happiness for him followed by worry about what this whole situation was.

'Casper' she began, drawing his attention back to her. 'I can't promise not to tell mom and dad but if you explain what's going on to me I'll try and help you sort the whole thing out.'

Her brother's eyes flickered back to the girl and he sighed, bracing himself for her reaction

He took a deep breath.

'Lil, this is Tia.'

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Read Generation 4 Chapter 5 - Missing  Pieces